In Feb. '98 I was diagnosed with Stage T3 Breast Cancer. After an 18 hr surgery, I got rehab for the muscles & tissue affected by the trauma. My relationship with my brother miraculously shifted to love AND I got my first REAL peek at my Eternal Soul and my love of ... let's face it ... breathing! Yet, I didn't have the age, experience or personal disciplines in place to maintain this fleeting connection to God, The One, The All.
While I recovered, I created art (like I am now), I learned how to create new jewelry (as I have this time) and I reached out to all of my family and friends (just as I have done each day of this leg of my journey). I grew in the exact ways I was supposed to grow ... and I progressed in my consciousness ... and I desperately wanted more and more education.
I bought books that confused me. I began with teachings far beyond what I could absorb. I attempted meditation without consulting with anyone who already made it a daily practice. I was lost in my wilderness of desiring more knowledge but having no avenue to truly achieve it. I didn't yet know that all I needed to do was ASK and the people would have appeared ... that was well beyond my understanding at that time.
After curing the breast cancer (or as the doctor's insist, putting it into "remission") I felt compelled to move to Denver, CO. My brother's family eventually lead me to Mile Hi Church, which isn't a church at all, but IS a school (The Holmes Institute). It was there that I FOUND LOVE! Little did I know that everything about this magnificent "religion", the people, the venue, the master teachers on staff and those they attract to them, the music, the arts .... would alter me eternally. Little did I know how much this would prepare me for this part of my journey.
From the continually unfolding Soul I am today, I lovingly look back on the perfectly insecure soul that I was 12 years ago. I love her faltering steps into conscious living. I adore her ability to start again, over & over ... asking questions and seeking teachers. I took every class I could get my hands on ... I read all of the books that were suggested to me. I meditated more (though not perfectly as some) and I learned more and more about loving myself first so that I could more boldly love others.
I know that my life is rich with the experiences that I continue to draw to myself. I believe that there is nothing that can stop me from living every one of the days that I am blessed to remain on this planet. With these beliefs in hand... I continue to call to myself master teachers in the form of books, audio cds, seminars, the rolling thunder, the wind, and those small still voices. I revel in my friends who are on this path with me ... allowing us to speak in a poetic short hand about The Universe, personal responsibility, the awesomeness of being human, and so much more.
I thank GOD for Facebook & Twitter because it has allowed me access to the minds of other seekers like me. They are finding wisdom for themselves and posting it here. You are experiencing joy, loss, fear and bliss and making a point to share it with everyone. We are on a journey in cyberspace where no knowledge is good or bad ... it is just there to be plucked out when we are ready to pursue it. For this and so much more I will remain grateful for FB and for ALL OF YOU !!!
What a gift! WHAT A RIDE !!!
Blessings, y'all,
Colista
Monday, July 12, 2010
Thursday, July 8, 2010
the doctor said, "The chances are ...
Today I was confronted by my doctor's practicality, her many years of experience with ovarian cancer and her certainty of the way this "dis-ease" works. She tried three times to prepare me for the eventual reoccurrence of the cancer. She insisted that "in cases like yours" ... thus and thus will eventually occur. "We are on a path to keep the cancer away as long as possible. But it will inevitably return." Then she said the only thing I was willing to let in.
Dr. Frederickson: In my many years of treating this disease I've found that women fall into two distinct categories. Zero and One Hundred. Either a zero percent belief in their ability to survive or a 100% faith in their ability to beat cancer at all costs. When I look into your eyes, Colista, I see 100%. If anyone has the strength and courage to overcome this cancer it's you."
Now, THAT I heard and was crying from a knowing of the truth!!! Because that's MY truth. I can't even contemplate the smallest chance of a reoccurrence. The main reason is that there needs to be cancer cells present for them to "grow" ... and I don't believe that there are any irregular cells left in this body. I see only healthy multipliers creating more and more healthy cells. And so it is ...
My Facebook friends & family ... I can't thank you enough for holding this truth with me. Knowing my wholeness as I know yours. Knowing my prosperity as I know your abundance! Feeling the wellness as I feel your blessed energy lifting you to higher and higher dreams.
These are the truths of my heart,
Thank you for your prayers!!! (right back atcha)
Colista
Dr. Frederickson: In my many years of treating this disease I've found that women fall into two distinct categories. Zero and One Hundred. Either a zero percent belief in their ability to survive or a 100% faith in their ability to beat cancer at all costs. When I look into your eyes, Colista, I see 100%. If anyone has the strength and courage to overcome this cancer it's you."
Now, THAT I heard and was crying from a knowing of the truth!!! Because that's MY truth. I can't even contemplate the smallest chance of a reoccurrence. The main reason is that there needs to be cancer cells present for them to "grow" ... and I don't believe that there are any irregular cells left in this body. I see only healthy multipliers creating more and more healthy cells. And so it is ...
My Facebook friends & family ... I can't thank you enough for holding this truth with me. Knowing my wholeness as I know yours. Knowing my prosperity as I know your abundance! Feeling the wellness as I feel your blessed energy lifting you to higher and higher dreams.
These are the truths of my heart,
Thank you for your prayers!!! (right back atcha)
Colista
Real Courage: Letting Go
It takes real courage to continue to hope, to keep pursuing a dream, when doubts and fears creep in. It is, after all, inevitable, as a human, to wonder about "How" our dreams are going to come true. What should I do? Where should I go? Should I cut my hair? Should I update my resume? ...
STOP !
When we become focused on the "How", which is the responsibility of Spirit -- in, of and through us all -- we become stuck to the ground. We feel heavy with burdens that are not ours to bear. We give attention to our humanness instead of our essence as Holy Beings. Only when we release the "How" to The Universe ... and let go of our human need to control everything ... do we really know peace and the freedom of true faith, trust and HOPE.
Will actions be required on our part? Of course, don't be silly. But when we let the actions, choices and movements flow through us -- knowing that we are experiencing the Guidance of The One -- we feel the synchronicities fully and the coincidences completely.
It's a beautiful feeling, no longer teathered to the ground by fear ... to fly toward one's dreams on the wings of faith ... floating on the warm, light air of hope ... with love blown up under our hearts by God!! We are truly free to follow our dreams with not just hope but true belief that it is done!
And So It Is !!!
Colista
Initially written: 8/1/2007
STOP !
When we become focused on the "How", which is the responsibility of Spirit -- in, of and through us all -- we become stuck to the ground. We feel heavy with burdens that are not ours to bear. We give attention to our humanness instead of our essence as Holy Beings. Only when we release the "How" to The Universe ... and let go of our human need to control everything ... do we really know peace and the freedom of true faith, trust and HOPE.
Will actions be required on our part? Of course, don't be silly. But when we let the actions, choices and movements flow through us -- knowing that we are experiencing the Guidance of The One -- we feel the synchronicities fully and the coincidences completely.
It's a beautiful feeling, no longer teathered to the ground by fear ... to fly toward one's dreams on the wings of faith ... floating on the warm, light air of hope ... with love blown up under our hearts by God!! We are truly free to follow our dreams with not just hope but true belief that it is done!
And So It Is !!!
Colista
Initially written: 8/1/2007
Thursday, May 13, 2010
No Metastatic Disease !!!
IT IS OFFICIAL... the CT Scan results read, "...no evidence of metastatic disease what so ever!!!" My cancer is in remission!!! No cancer can be found in my body ... my CA125 number (which needs to be below 35) is now down to 7.6 from it's previous 9. WOOO HOOOO !!!!!!
Unfortunately, my doctor couldn't be as excited as I am. She cautiously said, "things are looking good at this point in the treatment," and "we have a ways to go, however, this is quite a good result." But her words aren't new to me. I heard the same tentative sentences 11 years ago when I was told my Stage T3B breast cancer was in remission.
I refuse to be anything but excited by this news and I'm WOO HOOING LOUD & CLEAR to let God know that this is the kind of news that makes me happy and makes my Spirit soar! This is what I want more of!!! Miracle news of being cancer free!! And so it is ... bring it on.
What happens now? I have to continue on the chemo maintenance protocol. Chemo every three weeks for the next 12 months. In that time, my hair, eyelashes and eyebrows will grow back. My energy will return and I won't have to worry so much about exposure to the sun. Such great news!
My first phone call was to my brother. We had a great talk about the miracle!! He then told me that this Sunday he's singing the song "Live Like You Were Dying" at Mile Hi Church. He reminded me that I have a choice to make. I can either embrace the life and attitudes that caused this dis-ease OR the new knowledge about my Spirit and my dreams that have lead to the healing. If I'm not vigilent I could find myself in the same rat race mentality. But I reminded Thom that I'm not the same person I was 6 months ago. And, with loving brother energy, he wholeheartedly agreed with me :)
I keep bursting into tears ... and then giggling ... and laughing all at the same time. I knew the truth before the words were spoken. And yet, I'm still shocked and surprised that all of the tests agree with my truth! I should say OUR TRUTH because so many of you have kept me in your thoughts and prayers. You've treated for me, done energy work on my behalf and simply thought of me on occassion. You've written me beautiful, supportive poetry ... put up with my haiku, and have kept me laughing and looking toward the future! You've encouraged me to follow my dreams .... to live like I was dying.
I love you all SO much! I can't repay your kindnesses ... except to live a full, long, big life! I'm following all of the dreams that have been fully formed during this time of upheavals, miracles ... and change.
There's more to come ... I'm not done sharing this journey!! Thank you for joining me. I'm glad to be here with you!
ABUNDANT BLESSINGS TO ALL !!!!!
Colista
Unfortunately, my doctor couldn't be as excited as I am. She cautiously said, "things are looking good at this point in the treatment," and "we have a ways to go, however, this is quite a good result." But her words aren't new to me. I heard the same tentative sentences 11 years ago when I was told my Stage T3B breast cancer was in remission.
I refuse to be anything but excited by this news and I'm WOO HOOING LOUD & CLEAR to let God know that this is the kind of news that makes me happy and makes my Spirit soar! This is what I want more of!!! Miracle news of being cancer free!! And so it is ... bring it on.
What happens now? I have to continue on the chemo maintenance protocol. Chemo every three weeks for the next 12 months. In that time, my hair, eyelashes and eyebrows will grow back. My energy will return and I won't have to worry so much about exposure to the sun. Such great news!
My first phone call was to my brother. We had a great talk about the miracle!! He then told me that this Sunday he's singing the song "Live Like You Were Dying" at Mile Hi Church. He reminded me that I have a choice to make. I can either embrace the life and attitudes that caused this dis-ease OR the new knowledge about my Spirit and my dreams that have lead to the healing. If I'm not vigilent I could find myself in the same rat race mentality. But I reminded Thom that I'm not the same person I was 6 months ago. And, with loving brother energy, he wholeheartedly agreed with me :)
I keep bursting into tears ... and then giggling ... and laughing all at the same time. I knew the truth before the words were spoken. And yet, I'm still shocked and surprised that all of the tests agree with my truth! I should say OUR TRUTH because so many of you have kept me in your thoughts and prayers. You've treated for me, done energy work on my behalf and simply thought of me on occassion. You've written me beautiful, supportive poetry ... put up with my haiku, and have kept me laughing and looking toward the future! You've encouraged me to follow my dreams .... to live like I was dying.
I love you all SO much! I can't repay your kindnesses ... except to live a full, long, big life! I'm following all of the dreams that have been fully formed during this time of upheavals, miracles ... and change.
There's more to come ... I'm not done sharing this journey!! Thank you for joining me. I'm glad to be here with you!
ABUNDANT BLESSINGS TO ALL !!!!!
Colista
Monday, April 19, 2010
When Mr. Change Visits
It won't come as any surprise that humans like consistency. Familiarity is what we crave, sameness with only slight variations, and the comfortably expected routines. And just when we've gathered a measure of comfort Mr. Change pulls up for a visit.
It's a given that Mr. Change isn't someone that we enjoy having over to the house. His timing sucks. He's rude. He has no regard for our discomfort at his arrival. He just barges in, changing everything on the first day of his visit and, possibly, for all time. Is it any wonder that we've grown to dislike him, or even fear him? Nope!
But here's a secret you need to know about Mr. Change ... he has a heart as big as all out doors! In fact, he has a heart as big EVERYTHING. How is this possible? This rude, inappropriate, abrupt thing? It's because Mr. Change was created by the God of your understanding. Mr. Change is the Spirit that watches over us and the Universe that knows that life without change is an absolute impossiblity! He wants nothing but the best for us.
Mr. Change has implicit instructions. He's there to make us grow. It's his goal to encourage us to think about the "better and more" in our lives. The better and more than we could ever imagine! He knows the secret to human life. He understands what we don't like to admit ... that we need changes in order to fully experience being human!
Mr. Change takes all our fear of him, all of our anger. He was sent by Spirit to bring things into our lives that will make us think, make us feel, and make us more compassionate. He is willing and able to handle all of our upset. So much so that he keeps coming back and keeps on loving us through our vitriol and anger.
My brother likes to say (and I'm paraphrasing), "... changes is where all possibility exists and nothing has yet been decided." He shook hands with Mr. Change and invited him into the guest room. He recognized the divinity of his existence and the joy of his purpose. He stopped fighting the house guest that can't be reasoned or bargained with. He invited Mr. Change to be close by and got to know him. My brother accepted him as Love.
The more we recognize that Mr. Change is a permanent part of our lives, the quicker we can find the gifts that he brings. Of course we know that he brings death, divorce, being laid off or fired, disease, unrest, addictions. He brings marriage, babies, promotions, cures to diseases and winning the lottery. He is all things different. All things unexpected. All things good and/or bad. He is reality!
You might not be ready to intentionally invite Mr. Change over to your house. But, I can assure you that your existence will be much easier if you're willing to see him as a valued part of your life. Sit down with change. Pour your favorite drink. Thank him for his most recent visit and ask what more you have to learn from him? Don't just be grateful when he says things are going to change for the "better" and angry at the "worse," because I can guarantee that you don't know, without hind sight, if change will be for good or not. So, just be grateful and know that he does this out of love!
He's a regular visitor to my life. He loves me. I know, without question, that Mr. Change wants what's best for me. But as a bonified, card carrying, living breathing girl ... there are still time I want to kick his ass !!! Hey, I'm only human !
May all things fabulous be yours today!
Blessings,
Colista
It's a given that Mr. Change isn't someone that we enjoy having over to the house. His timing sucks. He's rude. He has no regard for our discomfort at his arrival. He just barges in, changing everything on the first day of his visit and, possibly, for all time. Is it any wonder that we've grown to dislike him, or even fear him? Nope!
But here's a secret you need to know about Mr. Change ... he has a heart as big as all out doors! In fact, he has a heart as big EVERYTHING. How is this possible? This rude, inappropriate, abrupt thing? It's because Mr. Change was created by the God of your understanding. Mr. Change is the Spirit that watches over us and the Universe that knows that life without change is an absolute impossiblity! He wants nothing but the best for us.
Mr. Change has implicit instructions. He's there to make us grow. It's his goal to encourage us to think about the "better and more" in our lives. The better and more than we could ever imagine! He knows the secret to human life. He understands what we don't like to admit ... that we need changes in order to fully experience being human!
Mr. Change takes all our fear of him, all of our anger. He was sent by Spirit to bring things into our lives that will make us think, make us feel, and make us more compassionate. He is willing and able to handle all of our upset. So much so that he keeps coming back and keeps on loving us through our vitriol and anger.
My brother likes to say (and I'm paraphrasing), "... changes is where all possibility exists and nothing has yet been decided." He shook hands with Mr. Change and invited him into the guest room. He recognized the divinity of his existence and the joy of his purpose. He stopped fighting the house guest that can't be reasoned or bargained with. He invited Mr. Change to be close by and got to know him. My brother accepted him as Love.
The more we recognize that Mr. Change is a permanent part of our lives, the quicker we can find the gifts that he brings. Of course we know that he brings death, divorce, being laid off or fired, disease, unrest, addictions. He brings marriage, babies, promotions, cures to diseases and winning the lottery. He is all things different. All things unexpected. All things good and/or bad. He is reality!
You might not be ready to intentionally invite Mr. Change over to your house. But, I can assure you that your existence will be much easier if you're willing to see him as a valued part of your life. Sit down with change. Pour your favorite drink. Thank him for his most recent visit and ask what more you have to learn from him? Don't just be grateful when he says things are going to change for the "better" and angry at the "worse," because I can guarantee that you don't know, without hind sight, if change will be for good or not. So, just be grateful and know that he does this out of love!
He's a regular visitor to my life. He loves me. I know, without question, that Mr. Change wants what's best for me. But as a bonified, card carrying, living breathing girl ... there are still time I want to kick his ass !!! Hey, I'm only human !
May all things fabulous be yours today!
Blessings,
Colista
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Several Posts In One ;)
3/30/2009 ~ 9:01a.m.
There is a test (C125 tumor marker test) used to detect breast/ovarian cancer (and others). Yesterday I learned my original no. was 1,011 (a typical for advanced Stage III). In January it had dropped to 285. Not really meaningful because no one could be sure if it dropped due to surgery or agressive chemo. But then yesterday the number was 9 !!! ... and anything below 35 is considered a VERY good sign I'm kicking the cancer's butt. WooHoo!! THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS and SUPPORT !!!!!
3/31/2009 ~ 9:12a.m.
Your WooHoos (29 "likes" and 45 "comments" on FB) are overwhelming! I have happy tears galore :0) THANK YOU! Chemo today (Series 5 - Session 1 - 5.5 hrs). I already miss my brother, sis-in-law and nieces! What a break in my routine & a breath of fresh air they have been to me. Looking forward to being able to travel to Denver in June!! :)
3/31/2009 ~ 7:57p.m.
At chemo today I met a woman who has embraced a Stage 3 cancer journey for 9 yrs. Gloria has decided to enter hospice and return to the Universe. Her grace and peace was overwhelming. I will think of Gloria the rest of my life! I only hope to exhibit that level of grace on my journey to my human end ... we're all "terminal" some haven't gotten an end of life "diagnosis" ;O) ... Moral of the story - Live every day, Y'all ♥ ~~~ Don't get me wrong with this story... I'm here for a VERY long time ...I'm just realistic that each of us will ultimately have to face our transition to that which is next ... and I'm convinced that it's a beautiful journey.
Blessings to everyone !!!
Colista
x
There is a test (C125 tumor marker test) used to detect breast/ovarian cancer (and others). Yesterday I learned my original no. was 1,011 (a typical for advanced Stage III). In January it had dropped to 285. Not really meaningful because no one could be sure if it dropped due to surgery or agressive chemo. But then yesterday the number was 9 !!! ... and anything below 35 is considered a VERY good sign I'm kicking the cancer's butt. WooHoo!! THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS and SUPPORT !!!!!
3/31/2009 ~ 9:12a.m.
Your WooHoos (29 "likes" and 45 "comments" on FB) are overwhelming! I have happy tears galore :0) THANK YOU! Chemo today (Series 5 - Session 1 - 5.5 hrs). I already miss my brother, sis-in-law and nieces! What a break in my routine & a breath of fresh air they have been to me. Looking forward to being able to travel to Denver in June!! :)
3/31/2009 ~ 7:57p.m.
At chemo today I met a woman who has embraced a Stage 3 cancer journey for 9 yrs. Gloria has decided to enter hospice and return to the Universe. Her grace and peace was overwhelming. I will think of Gloria the rest of my life! I only hope to exhibit that level of grace on my journey to my human end ... we're all "terminal" some haven't gotten an end of life "diagnosis" ;O) ... Moral of the story - Live every day, Y'all ♥ ~~~ Don't get me wrong with this story... I'm here for a VERY long time ...I'm just realistic that each of us will ultimately have to face our transition to that which is next ... and I'm convinced that it's a beautiful journey.
Blessings to everyone !!!
Colista
x
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Imagination ~ Haiku
Imagination
Embrace the power of fun
One smile at a time
~Colista
Thanks for the encouragement to illustrate a book of my haiku ... I'm embracing the adventure that there may be a group of silly words and drawings wishing to be in the world! Perhaps I'll just start with a 2011 Calendar? ... I can't thank you enough for your good wishes!! Back'atcha 100-fold!!
Embrace the power of fun
One smile at a time
~Colista
Thanks for the encouragement to illustrate a book of my haiku ... I'm embracing the adventure that there may be a group of silly words and drawings wishing to be in the world! Perhaps I'll just start with a 2011 Calendar? ... I can't thank you enough for your good wishes!! Back'atcha 100-fold!!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Attention
I want to remain honest with everyone. I don't want to tell you things are great when they aren't or say things are tough just to get attention. I consider both of those things reprehensible (and my family would hand me my head a on a platter if they thought i were doing that). I cherish every prayer you send. I want the emails, posts and support. I am so grateful to be thought about for even 10 seconds in the midst of someone's busy day. It's a blessed abundance that I'm not used to. But then, that's obviously one of my my lesson in all of this ... learning how to receive with grace and thankfulness. I'm learning to process it ... and still growing ;)
So, please know that I'm just at the beginning of this medical journey. Even when they find out that I'm cancer free in May (after the CT scan) there are at least 12 to 13 more months of chemo infusions, testing and focusing on my health and wellness. I'll understand if the prayers wane or the good wishes ebb and flow ... not everyone can keep focusing on my mental and physical health like I have to. But when that happens ... I will cherish each and every interaction with you all!!
I never forget something my Mom once told me, "No one has to do ANYTHING in this world. They do it because the want to ... not because they have to." So, I remain grateful and thankful for each of you and wish you amazing happiness, health and wealth in return!!
Multi Blessings, my friends!!
Colista
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Valentine Blessings
know love
know happiness
find peace
seek out friends
believe in your dreams
enjoy chocolate
smell the roses
revel in sunshine
hug
smile
laugh
... believe
Valentine Blessings!!
Colista
x
Copies of the "Infinite Angel" available at Zazzle.com/Colista
Friday, February 12, 2010
A Snoring Symphony
The first thing that comes to mind ... finish one major project today. I don't know yet know what that means but I'll bet it reveals itself to me as I'm writing. There will be one thing that will bring me a sense of relief once it's done. It's cool to think that just one completed task can open an energetic line that might be closed ... Hey! I know what the thing is!! I have to mail a thank you card ... a big one that I drew for the staff of Mile Hi Church.
Mile Hi is my beloved Denver church. It has the most centered and loving people I have ever had the priviledge of worshiping with! I miss them terribly. In fact, I love my church so much that I haven't been able to settle into a Rapid City church. The staff is so supportive of my journey (and my brother, who works there) that they took time to draw, cut out, color or sketch prayers for me. The very thick package of amazing energy I received brought teras to my eyes. Each "card" contains fun images and eloquently written blessings. I pull them out each time I want a reminder of how whole, healed and healthy everyone already believes I am!
I am so blessed by everyone who puts even a second's thought in my journey! I believe that those thoughts are prayers for my cure. Each of you who phone, mail, email or write to me on Facebook or Twitter is a blessing on my journey! And, as I've mentioned to a few, I can't complain about anything ... and if I did I'd expect to be struck down by lightening! I'm still here! I'm walking around, creating art with my mind & hands, and able to speak, write and learn. What more could I possibly ask for? I am SO blessed!
So, an hour has passed. I'll finish this disjointed missive ... and go back to sleep for an hour or so. All of you have a wonderful weekend!! A few suggestions ... Hug someone you have never hugged. Share your smile with strangers. Compliment a women on her outfit. Kiss someone you love. Make the most of Valentine's day ... and if you don't have a spouse or significant other ... go to a nursing home with some "little kid" cards and hand them out. THAT will bring you some great energy! Finally, practice being happy ... because happiness is a conscious choice we make in the face of any evidence to the contrary.
With immenuse gratitude and love,
Colista
x
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Star Light ~ Haiku
The star light star bright
What is it you wish tonight?
Close your eyes and dream
~Colista
I can feel the prayers working on my heart and body. There is so much love in my life that I'm overwhelmed with happy tears. I've got my "Alvin Maker" on and creating art & jewelry with ease. What an amazing life I have been given!
What area of your life are you not giving grattitude? Is there an area where you are remaining a victim? Where you may be blaming someone else for your current circumstances? ... if so, then STOP IT! You are ultimately responsible for where you find yourself today. Did you believe you weren't worth blessings... did you believe you were struggingling ... did you believe that miracles were someone else's domain? If so, then you are NOW enlightened.
You are responsible for your current circumstances... open your thinking to the opportunities at hand and you will know prosperity and opportunity. Close your mind to these things and you will remain hidden from the abundance of the Universe. I know these things, because I experience these things on a daily basis. I bless everyone ... because I know that it is a blessings to me in return. Do before it is done unto you! LOVE!!!
I know your worth!
BLESSINGS!!
Colista
x
The angel on my site is from my Zazzle account. There are tshirts and shoes available with this symbol of love and light. Thank you for taking a look ... and telling your friends about my art. Blessings! C' www.Zazzle.com/Colista
What is it you wish tonight?
Close your eyes and dream
~Colista
What area of your life are you not giving grattitude? Is there an area where you are remaining a victim? Where you may be blaming someone else for your current circumstances? ... if so, then STOP IT! You are ultimately responsible for where you find yourself today. Did you believe you weren't worth blessings... did you believe you were struggingling ... did you believe that miracles were someone else's domain? If so, then you are NOW enlightened.
You are responsible for your current circumstances... open your thinking to the opportunities at hand and you will know prosperity and opportunity. Close your mind to these things and you will remain hidden from the abundance of the Universe. I know these things, because I experience these things on a daily basis. I bless everyone ... because I know that it is a blessings to me in return. Do before it is done unto you! LOVE!!!
I know your worth!
BLESSINGS!!
Colista
x
The angel on my site is from my Zazzle account. There are tshirts and shoes available with this symbol of love and light. Thank you for taking a look ... and telling your friends about my art. Blessings! C' www.Zazzle.com/Colista
Monday, February 8, 2010
Rapid City Journal Article
The blood count verdict is in... the count was... 11 (down from 6,000+ 2 weeks ago). So, I'm starting the neupogen shots this afternoon. I'll go in daily for 7 days. Bloodwork again next Monday and start chemo again next Wednesday. I'd speculated that this would be the pattern ... two weeks on then one week of rest (and shots in the arm). Do I know my body or what? YEA!!
The wonderful Rapid City Journal writer, Shell Jeffery published an article about my April art show at Alternative Fuel Coffee House. She also talked about my triumph over the ovarian cancer diagnosis. I'm overwhelmed by the quotes she got from my friend, Maryjo Suek, who painted a rocking chair to raffle off for my medical fund, and for the generosity of Alternative Health Care. They are donating all of their new patient fees ($25/each) to my care. I'm so grateful!!
Artist Finds Good Medicine Readying For Art Show
I hope everyone is enjoying their Monday! We were all blessed to wake up this morning. To breathe and to be able to hug those we love. Share your smiles with everyone! We are so blessed!!!
Namaste,
Colista
x
The wonderful Rapid City Journal writer, Shell Jeffery published an article about my April art show at Alternative Fuel Coffee House. She also talked about my triumph over the ovarian cancer diagnosis. I'm overwhelmed by the quotes she got from my friend, Maryjo Suek, who painted a rocking chair to raffle off for my medical fund, and for the generosity of Alternative Health Care. They are donating all of their new patient fees ($25/each) to my care. I'm so grateful!!
Artist Finds Good Medicine Readying For Art Show
I hope everyone is enjoying their Monday! We were all blessed to wake up this morning. To breathe and to be able to hug those we love. Share your smiles with everyone! We are so blessed!!!
Namaste,
Colista
x
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Updating Zazzle Items
I've been drawing some new Angels and Suns. The creative juices are really flowing. It's a blessing to be able to meditate and see what kind of things wish to be born! Paintings and jewelry are still trying to find a home on the net. When I find a place, I'll post it. Until then ... THANK YOU for taking a look at my stuff. Your critiques are much appreciated ... tell me what you like and what you might change!! I love it :)
create & buy custom products at Zazzle
BLESSINGS!
Colista
x
create & buy custom products at Zazzle
BLESSINGS!
Colista
x
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Lift Me ~ Haiku
Beacons in my soul
Prayers from friends and famly
Again they lift me!
~Colista
I hope you're all having as amazing a day as I am. Man, we're surrounded by so many blessings ... my greatest blessings are family and all of you!! WHOOT!! ♥
I spoke with a wonderful reporter, Shelly, from the Rapid City Journal. She is researching the possibility of an article about the assistance that Alternative Health Care (and others) are providing during my triumph over the ovarian cancer diagnosis. What an amazing turn of events! All of these people deserve all of the publicity (and increase in business) that they can get ... their generosity deserves to be rewarded!!
Between the art show, the jewelry outlets, the rocking chair raffle, the passion party open houses and the dance ... I'm overwhelmed. That's not including the beauty of my 14 year old neice, Nicola, offering to give me the money she's getting for teaching cello lessons to elementary school students. Of course I told her to put the money in her Julliard college fund! But, man, what a blessing she is!
So, I remain in gratitude ... thankful for all of my friends who call and who let me call them when I'm needing contact. I'm grateful for my Facebook "Spirit Posse" who send me jokes and videos to make me laugh. I also appreciate the prayers that are going out into the Universe to heal and support me. WOW, am I one grateful 46 year old woman!!
Blessings y'all!
Colista
x
Prayers from friends and famly
Again they lift me!
~Colista
I hope you're all having as amazing a day as I am. Man, we're surrounded by so many blessings ... my greatest blessings are family and all of you!! WHOOT!! ♥
I spoke with a wonderful reporter, Shelly, from the Rapid City Journal. She is researching the possibility of an article about the assistance that Alternative Health Care (and others) are providing during my triumph over the ovarian cancer diagnosis. What an amazing turn of events! All of these people deserve all of the publicity (and increase in business) that they can get ... their generosity deserves to be rewarded!!
Between the art show, the jewelry outlets, the rocking chair raffle, the passion party open houses and the dance ... I'm overwhelmed. That's not including the beauty of my 14 year old neice, Nicola, offering to give me the money she's getting for teaching cello lessons to elementary school students. Of course I told her to put the money in her Julliard college fund! But, man, what a blessing she is!
So, I remain in gratitude ... thankful for all of my friends who call and who let me call them when I'm needing contact. I'm grateful for my Facebook "Spirit Posse" who send me jokes and videos to make me laugh. I also appreciate the prayers that are going out into the Universe to heal and support me. WOW, am I one grateful 46 year old woman!!
Blessings y'all!
Colista
x
Friday, February 5, 2010
Love Song ~ Haiku
Composing haiku
They often sound like love songs
Expressing good life
~ Colista
Wednesday night I woke up at 3am. As is my habit I got up ready to write down any thoughts that might have been speaking to me. For the very first time I had a song lyric going through my head. It is, however, no song that I've heard before:
Why am I standing here?
Why am I trying to make you a part of my past?
When all I want to do ... is to hold you?
I gave the lyric to my brother, who is currently writing for his first album. He's also writing new thought music with his friend, Barry Ebert. I have no doubt that he won't use it ... he writes much better than I ever did. I'll just have to stick to my Haiku. Yes, I intend to keep inflicting my Haiku on the bloggosphere ... too bad!
Have a wonderful weekend y'all!
x
They often sound like love songs
Expressing good life
~ Colista
Wednesday night I woke up at 3am. As is my habit I got up ready to write down any thoughts that might have been speaking to me. For the very first time I had a song lyric going through my head. It is, however, no song that I've heard before:
Why am I standing here?
Why am I trying to make you a part of my past?
When all I want to do ... is to hold you?
I gave the lyric to my brother, who is currently writing for his first album. He's also writing new thought music with his friend, Barry Ebert. I have no doubt that he won't use it ... he writes much better than I ever did. I'll just have to stick to my Haiku. Yes, I intend to keep inflicting my Haiku on the bloggosphere ... too bad!
Have a wonderful weekend y'all!
x
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Better Chemo Scheduling
We're coming to a new equilibrium for the chemotherapy! That's great news because from the start there has been a lot of starting and stopping going on. It seems to be two weeks of chemo and one week off. This is due to the fact that no matter how much my white count builds up ... the first series of chemo, where I get all three of the most potent drugs, crashes my count. Even though my count is low for week two they are giving me chemo and counting on the third week's neupogen shots to built me back up.
My Zazzle site is generating a bit of income each week and I'm still painting for my April 1-30 art show. There is money coming in the future ... just not anything to qualify as being self-employed. If you want to see what I'm selling, please visit www.Zazzle.com/Colista* and see if there's anything you'd like to purchase or give as a gift ;)
I remain so grateful for the people that call, write and instant message me. Due to the immune precautions, I spend so much time isolated that the contact you guys provide is invaluable! I love my Facebook friends and sincerely appreciate your notes and follows.
I continue to keep everyone in my prayers and wish you as much prosperity and happiness as I'm experiencing every day! If you are that happy ... you are truly experiencing the best that life has to offer! May your faith grow, your wallet be full and your hearts be light!
Blessings!
Colista
x
My Zazzle site is generating a bit of income each week and I'm still painting for my April 1-30 art show. There is money coming in the future ... just not anything to qualify as being self-employed. If you want to see what I'm selling, please visit www.Zazzle.com/Colista* and see if there's anything you'd like to purchase or give as a gift ;)
I remain so grateful for the people that call, write and instant message me. Due to the immune precautions, I spend so much time isolated that the contact you guys provide is invaluable! I love my Facebook friends and sincerely appreciate your notes and follows.
I continue to keep everyone in my prayers and wish you as much prosperity and happiness as I'm experiencing every day! If you are that happy ... you are truly experiencing the best that life has to offer! May your faith grow, your wallet be full and your hearts be light!
Blessings!
Colista
x
Monday, February 1, 2010
Frendships ~ Haiku
Friendships ebb and flow
Nothing ever stays the same ...
They can get better!
~Colista
x
Nothing ever stays the same ...
They can get better!
~Colista
x
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Back On Track
First, and foremost, I was thankful for the knowledge that I am eternally and completely connected to the God of My Understanding. No distance, no separation, no chance that I am not capable of the same miracles promised to each of us. I then thanked God for every member of my family ... every freind, acquaintance, co-worker, choir member, old high school friend, LCAer, and my wonderful Spirit Posse ... everone that I could remember in 30 minutes. At the end of my list I always say, "... and Spirit Bless all those I didn't remember and all who may have forgotten me." Just about covers everyone I've ever known :)
I decided to take several new gifts with me. On Monday I received a care package from my brother's family. They bought me dozens of amazing, thoughts, goofy gifts. I chose:
- I wore the little silver necklace with a shooting star that says Hope, Dream & Believe on the edges,
- a book called "Guess How Much I Love You" which they all signed (and made me cry happy tears again today),
- a purple/blue metal Sigg water bottle to remember how important water is,
- a 1.5" tall Yoda because he teaches "Do or Do Not ... There Is No Try." (I left Papa Smurf at home because I didn't want to snort laugh any more! Go ahead and ask Thom what he made Papa Smurf say),
- I wore their t-shirt that has graphics of all of the Beatles albums on it. SO COOL, and
- a shawl for my shoulders that have hearts all around the fringed edges!
Back on track and ready for miracles! Wishing you the very same!!!!
I am so grateful for you !!!
ColistaI am so grateful for you !!!
Jeff - Please contact me ... I'm not evil and, face it, you do miss me ... ever your friend! Beetlebum... =0)
Five Hours of Chemo
5.5 hrs of chemo today ... already sleepy from the meds. Saying prayers for everyone I know... again I am lifted! Blessings to my Spirit Posse, family and friends! ASII (And So It Is)
x
x
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Blood Work 6,231!!!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Bursting ~ Haiku
God created you
Unique and so passionate
Bursting with the Light
~Colista
Yo, Butt Head ... contact me!
x
Unique and so passionate
Bursting with the Light
~Colista
Yo, Butt Head ... contact me!
x
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
First, Cute Wig!
I "traded" two crocheted caps, (from my Auntie Joanne) for the opportunity to have one of the wigs. Patty said it was unnecessary, but I told her that I really needed to give before I received. One cap was royal blue and the other a royal purple, blue and pink mix. Patty grinned when she saw them and asked if she could hold them back and give them to women with "big" personalities ... of course, I said yes!
She also invited me to this month's "Look Good...Feel Good" Event. Patty explained that most Cancer Centers bring together women who are experiencing complete hair loss and teaches them how to care for their newly sensitive skin and how to camouflage with makeup. The gatherings are sponsored by the American Cancer Society and several major cosmetic companies, who also give out free cosmetics to the attendees! Best of all ... I'll get to meet 5 or 6 other women who are experiencing the loss of not just their head of hair but also their eyelashes and eyebrows. WOW! I feel so blessed!!
That's all I know today ... but I want to end by saying I hope you are having a fantastic week and can find at least 3 things that you are grateful for. My gratitude lists are usually dozens of lines ... but always included in the top 5 is how grateful I am for my internet "Spirit Posse" ... I'm amazed by your courage to follow along this journey with me. I thank The God of my Understanding for you and include you in my daily prayers!!
Many, many, many Blessings!!
Colista ♥
x
Monday, January 18, 2010
White Cloud ~ Haiku
See today's troubles
Floating by like a white cloud
A peaceful river
~Colista
YEA! Blood work good (1025) & there'll be chemo Wed. 8am. Odd to want this so much... and to have this bitter/sweet feeling about it. I'm grateful for the technology, yet sad to need it in the first place. I'm also sad because I really wanted to share this good news with my friend Jeff. It sucks to miss his ass like I do. I know that he's taking care of himself, but... DAMN IT!
Thanks for listening to me express my gratitude and lament a little. I am SO grateful for each of you!
Peace to you all! ♥
C'
x
Floating by like a white cloud
A peaceful river
~Colista
YEA! Blood work good (1025) & there'll be chemo Wed. 8am. Odd to want this so much... and to have this bitter/sweet feeling about it. I'm grateful for the technology, yet sad to need it in the first place. I'm also sad because I really wanted to share this good news with my friend Jeff. It sucks to miss his ass like I do. I know that he's taking care of himself, but... DAMN IT!
Thanks for listening to me express my gratitude and lament a little. I am SO grateful for each of you!
Peace to you all! ♥
C'
x
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Bulldozer ~ Haiku
God grew me this way...
Helpless as a bulldozer!
Nothing can stop me!!
~Colista
I imagine the power of a bulldozer. It doesn't stop until it gets done! Strong, sturdy and steady on it's way! I like that thought for each of us. Ceaseless effort given to tasks that needs doing! Blessings to you guys, my "Bulldozer Spirit Posse"!! ASII ♥ ♥ ♥
x
Helpless as a bulldozer!
Nothing can stop me!!
~Colista
x
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
98% Chance of Chemo!!
The next topic was financial. Dr. Fred said that I shouldn't worry about my medical bills. She said that no cancer patient of hers will ever go without care and treatment ... and the bills will take care of themselves. She will continue to send invoices so that when I get aide there will be a record of her care and treatment so that she can be reimbursed. If, however, I am not eligible for a program that would reimburse her ... she said that her company would assist me and that "If we keep billing you it's easier to write this off at the end of the treatment." I'm ever hopeful that aide will arrive to assist me in paying the bills ... and so it is !!! In many forms from many avenues.. Woo Hoo.
We discussed my visiting Denver in February. I told her that I wanted to know when each series would be administered because the first series, with the big three drugs, causes some nausia. She said that the 2nd or 3rd week in February would probably work best. So, I'll continue conversations with my brother and his family and know that the perfect time to come and see everyone in Denver will come to pass! Can't wait to attend church and give out hundreds of hugs!!
Speaking of church, Rev. Cynthia James called me today and spent 30 minutes of her valuable time speaking with me about my vision for recovery. Her insights into creative visioning and developing new and powerful affirmations was much needed. It gives Kay and I a direction for our weekly work. She said that the reason I'm having a hard time visioning my future is that I have two paths currently running in tandem. The first is survival and the second is my calling to follow my bliss. I am being called for something bigger and I'm not yet in resonance with that higher vision. Wow! Gives me a path for bigger prayers. ASII
Since my teens I've known that art and communication are my callings. My art and my ability to break down complex ideas is being called into purpose. My willingness to be available to Spirit for that higher purpose is undenyable. I have been used and will remain open to being used to teach, to learn and to love!! Rev. Cynthia's feeling was that my creativity can be of service and abundance to the world. I'd settle for being creative and in service to whatever community truly needs what I have learned and am learning today.
So, there's today in a nut shell. Feeling good physically and emotionally. Manifesting perfection, peace and patience ... and I wish the same for each of you. Don't forget to let me know if you have a prayer need or wish me to hold something in consciousness. I am available ...
Blessings!
Colista
There are new items on my art site ... I've scanned my 1" x 1" box tops and am making items with them. An example is above... hope you'll check them out at www.Zazzle.com/Colista.
x
Friendships ~ Haiku
Serendipity
Friendships are not accidents
Our Souls choose wisely!
~Colista
Thank you for finding me ... friending me ... and following with me, by my side through this journey we call life! You are my angels & I am SO blessed! ASII ♥ ♥ ♥ ... P.S. IT'S FRIDAY Y'ALL ... Pa'tay a littl' bit for me ;)
P.S. Okay - to clairfy... by "party" I mean do whatever brings up your energy without being self-destructive! Hang with people who care about you & attempt to make 'em laugh :) ♥
x
Friendships are not accidents
Our Souls choose wisely!
~Colista
Thank you for finding me ... friending me ... and following with me, by my side through this journey we call life! You are my angels & I am SO blessed! ASII ♥ ♥ ♥ ... P.S. IT'S FRIDAY Y'ALL ... Pa'tay a littl' bit for me ;)
P.S. Okay - to clairfy... by "party" I mean do whatever brings up your energy without being self-destructive! Hang with people who care about you & attempt to make 'em laugh :) ♥
x
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Shaving My Head ~ VIDEO
Wrote instructions into the video ...
where to fast forward and where to listen to me giggle.
where to fast forward and where to listen to me giggle.
I wish to share not to bore you to tears while I take shears to my Woodstock hair. I did this last Sunday but wasn't ready to post it for the masses until today. I want to thank my Auntie Joanne for the crochet of three really nice, warm hats. I also want to thank you guys for being here with me... it NEVER goes unnoticed or unappreciated! BLESS YOU!!! C'
The video is posted on Facebook ... you can friend me at Colista Lich ... just send me a note and tell me you found my blog and wish to follow my journey :)
May you know gratitude in your abundance, and faith in your miracles!!
Colista
x
May you know gratitude in your abundance, and faith in your miracles!!
Colista
x
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Bless Hugs ~ Haiku
Bless those who hug you
Great exchange of energy
Cherish the moments
~Colista
<< SMILE >>
x
Great exchange of energy
Cherish the moments
~Colista
<< SMILE >>
x
Monday, January 11, 2010
Chemo Delayed Part Deux
If this keeps up I'm going to have to learn to count in French! Second week in a row that chemo is being postponed. I'm grateful that the drugs are doing their job, that's certain. I'm grateful for my health, so that every cell in my body bounces back with grace and ease. I'm grateful that I can see myself as whole, healthy and perfect in every way.
Having acknowledged those truths ... I'm also upset and crying as I write this.
I know that I must cultivate a vision of this as perfection. I have to find that place where time means nothing. It's just a physical world's number that has no truth in the world of miracles. I will accept this as truth and not wish for a different outcome this week. I will keep writing and speaking these things until they live inside of me! And so it is !!
Right now, however, I'm still crying ... and I want a hug!!
I'm remember something that Gregg Braden says, in "The Gift of the Blessing"; We must bless those things that bring us pain. He clearly explains in both Biblical and Metaphysical ways why we cannot maintain anger lest we be pulled into a place of dis-ease and tension, neither of which are good for healing or happiness. I couldn't agree more and I practice this on a regular basis. I bless those that must end wars as well as those who want wars to end. Blessing those who harm as well as those who are harmed. I remember the divinity of each of their souls ... not just the divinity of those I "agree" with.
Right now I am angry at my body for betraying me. But it can't go on like this so ... my body deserves MY blessing! Thank you, earthly body ... for your curative, healing forces. Thank you for cleaning my body of all cells that do not belong in this perfect vessel ... and for creating paths for new, completely healthy cells to flourish! Thank you, for allowing me to experience divine miracles! Thank you for being strong and able to thrive in the face of any medication or procedure. Thank you, human body, for allowing me to become a stronger Spiritual being!. Thank you, God bless what you are, right where you are! And So It Is!!
Once again, and with much emotion, I want to thank all of you who follow along on this journey! I am doing my best to be honest without being raw. Those tougher emotions might be best kept among myself and family ... who can handle my crying like a 4 year old with the drippy snot and possibly spouting curse words like a dock worker! I bless you all on your way, wishing you health, prosperity and faith! You are in my prayers!! ASII
Blessings on you all !!
Colista
P.S. To the LCAers, who have often heard me begin prayers with ... GOD, THIS SUCKS ... BUT ...!!!! Thank you for having been with me for SO many years!! C'
x
Having acknowledged those truths ... I'm also upset and crying as I write this.
I know that I must cultivate a vision of this as perfection. I have to find that place where time means nothing. It's just a physical world's number that has no truth in the world of miracles. I will accept this as truth and not wish for a different outcome this week. I will keep writing and speaking these things until they live inside of me! And so it is !!
Right now, however, I'm still crying ... and I want a hug!!
I'm remember something that Gregg Braden says, in "The Gift of the Blessing"; We must bless those things that bring us pain. He clearly explains in both Biblical and Metaphysical ways why we cannot maintain anger lest we be pulled into a place of dis-ease and tension, neither of which are good for healing or happiness. I couldn't agree more and I practice this on a regular basis. I bless those that must end wars as well as those who want wars to end. Blessing those who harm as well as those who are harmed. I remember the divinity of each of their souls ... not just the divinity of those I "agree" with.
Right now I am angry at my body for betraying me. But it can't go on like this so ... my body deserves MY blessing! Thank you, earthly body ... for your curative, healing forces. Thank you for cleaning my body of all cells that do not belong in this perfect vessel ... and for creating paths for new, completely healthy cells to flourish! Thank you, for allowing me to experience divine miracles! Thank you for being strong and able to thrive in the face of any medication or procedure. Thank you, human body, for allowing me to become a stronger Spiritual being!. Thank you, God bless what you are, right where you are! And So It Is!!
Once again, and with much emotion, I want to thank all of you who follow along on this journey! I am doing my best to be honest without being raw. Those tougher emotions might be best kept among myself and family ... who can handle my crying like a 4 year old with the drippy snot and possibly spouting curse words like a dock worker! I bless you all on your way, wishing you health, prosperity and faith! You are in my prayers!! ASII
Blessings on you all !!
Colista
P.S. To the LCAers, who have often heard me begin prayers with ... GOD, THIS SUCKS ... BUT ...!!!! Thank you for having been with me for SO many years!! C'
x
How Many Blessings? ~ Haiku
How many blessings
are too much for one lifetime?
There is no such thing!
~Colista
x
are too much for one lifetime?
There is no such thing!
~Colista
x
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Angel CLE Classes!
In the dream, and as I woke, that statement struck me as such a profound truth! It also harkens back to a children's book that I tend to quote to my friends ... "The Little Soul and the Sun" by Neale Donald Walsch (Author) and Frank Riccio (Illustrator) ... were it says, ""Of course this Friendly Soul is an angel!" God interrupted. "Everyone is! Always remember: I have sent you nothing but angels."" The book is fabulous, and I recommend you read it if you are sad about your current circumstances. But the memory of this book is just the jumping off point to my angel musings...
What if Earth is a part of "heaven"? What if this is the testing ground for getting our etherial wings? Or is the place were we take our "continuing education" classes? Here is where we get the chance to experience forgiveness when an angel does something to be forgiven. We get to experience love when another angel comes into our life as someone lovable. We get to experience all of the emotions necessary to make us better & better "unseen" angels!! After we have experienced being human angels ... we make much better decisions as heavenly hosts.
This thought makes me cry ... because I can see ALL of my family, friends, doctors, nurses, acquaintances, etc. as the Angels that you are. I can even see the angel in those who are here to experience "pain". They are the "low energy" angels who have chosen to experience "suffering" or "separation from God" ... gifting us with the experience of being caring, loving and patient. Without someone to care for, to love, or be patient with ... how else would we experience these things that are all a part of The Great I Am?
I have always said that we are only here for three reasons ... To Learn ... To Teach ... and to Love! While teaching we learn ... while learning we teach ... and while loving we are changing the vibration of the very planet we live on! We take these three things with us everywhere we go. I'll write more on this in another posting ... because it's a book in progress.
Through the tears I shed as I write this morning ... I can see exactly how my life is blessed with Angels! I can also see and, more importantly, FEEL my own divinity. I work at giving more and more each day ... even as I need care, medical attention, love, phone calls, hugs, and laughter from my Angels in return. Nothing will stop me from being an Angel here on earth ... gathering experiences with you, my amazing Angel friends!!
Blessings to you!
Colista
x
We Are Angels ~ Haiku
We are the angels!
Doing good deeds here on earth
In big and small ways
~Colista
I dreamed about being an angel here on earth ... and knew that when we get to "heaven" we experience all of the blessings we gave out and all of the chances we missed. We learn so that we can give more the next time we are angels! *smile* ♥
x
Doing good deeds here on earth
In big and small ways
~Colista
I dreamed about being an angel here on earth ... and knew that when we get to "heaven" we experience all of the blessings we gave out and all of the chances we missed. We learn so that we can give more the next time we are angels! *smile* ♥
x
Friday, January 8, 2010
Dream Big ~ Haiku
If you can believe
Your dreams will become your truth
So dream REALLY big!
~Colista
Chemo may be removing my shockingly yellow hair (Woodstock), but I'm still me! Today's blog talked about this ... and gives my little brother, Thom, a big hug! Have a warm, snuggly evening everyone, and thank you for taking time out of your lives to spend some of it with me. Many abundant Blessings! ASII
x
Your dreams will become your truth
So dream REALLY big!
~Colista
Chemo may be removing my shockingly yellow hair (Woodstock), but I'm still me! Today's blog talked about this ... and gives my little brother, Thom, a big hug! Have a warm, snuggly evening everyone, and thank you for taking time out of your lives to spend some of it with me. Many abundant Blessings! ASII
x
Chemo Hair Loss Experience
My brother, Thom, said that my hair loss is PROOF that the chemotherapy is doing it's job. The healing drugs are eliminating all of the fast growing cells! In my opinion the elimination of those cells is occurring to make room, in the future, for healthier tissues to arrive! And so it is!
Last night the memory returned of experiencing this process 10 years ago. It's very uncomfortable. My scalp feels like there are sores all over it. Touching my head causes a burning feeling and releases more hair. It wasn't even pleasant to take a shower this morning because washing caused more pain than relief.
So, what happens next? Well, I decided that this time (the very last time - amen) I'm going to let the hair fall out for a while. During my breast cancer chemo, the first morning I washed my hair and hunks of it ended up between my fingers ... I immediately drove to the wig maker and had her sheer off the rest. Today, I've decided to let it progress for a while. There are two reasons. First, I "feel" that I must see this happen this time and not try to avoid it. The second reason, the more that falls out naturally ... the less I'll have to remove with duct tape! Yes, duct tape. You see, you have to get the roots out of the scalp so that when the new hair comes back there isn't a dead root blocking it's growth. So, every other day or so you duct tape your head to remove more and more of the dead roots. Pretty image isn't it?
One of the most fun thing is that my brother asked me if I wanted him to shave his head in solidarity. We talked for a while, because my initial reaction was, "No, that's not something that I'd see anybody doing on my behalf." As he told me that he'd always wanted a good reason to try being bald (which I know to be absolutely true)... I made him a deal. He can go bald when I can visit Denver. Then, the first time he has to sing bald at church ... I get see him explain to the congregation that it's because of my going through my healing chemo treatments. We had one of the biggest laughs about how this is going to look to everyone! It will be so much fun and, I'm sure, very emotional.
Writing about this makes me cry ... I love him so much! My brother is one of the finest people ever to walk foot on this planet. His ability to center himself, care for his energy, and yet care for his wife, daughters and healing sister is almost miraculous. I admire how he seeks out people who can support him. It isn't easy feeling helpless in the face of my cancer diagnosis.
This isn't easy for any of my family or friends. There isn't anything that can really be "done" on my behalf. There is only talking, loving and prayer. But, what no one understands, is that's plenty!!! It's enough that people continue to reach out to me to talk and tell me that they love me. To that end, I can't tell you how much I love my Facebook and Twitter friends! Social media wasn't around ten years ago to keep me company when I had to take immune precautions. Today, I may have to avoid crowds ... but it's always beautifully "crowded" on FB & the Twitverse!!! I am so grateful and blessed by you all :)
Keep warm and know that I pray for everyone's health and peace!!
Blessings!
Colista
P.S. Thanks to the Mile Hi Church Choir members for purchasing stuff from my www.Zazzle.com/Colista art site! This and my jewelry are my only jobs right now and I can't thank you enough for your support! I'll be posting more designs each week and would appreciate your telling everyone about my stuff. Even if they don't purchase anything ... perhaps they will be inspired by the energy of the art ;)
x
Last night the memory returned of experiencing this process 10 years ago. It's very uncomfortable. My scalp feels like there are sores all over it. Touching my head causes a burning feeling and releases more hair. It wasn't even pleasant to take a shower this morning because washing caused more pain than relief.
So, what happens next? Well, I decided that this time (the very last time - amen) I'm going to let the hair fall out for a while. During my breast cancer chemo, the first morning I washed my hair and hunks of it ended up between my fingers ... I immediately drove to the wig maker and had her sheer off the rest. Today, I've decided to let it progress for a while. There are two reasons. First, I "feel" that I must see this happen this time and not try to avoid it. The second reason, the more that falls out naturally ... the less I'll have to remove with duct tape! Yes, duct tape. You see, you have to get the roots out of the scalp so that when the new hair comes back there isn't a dead root blocking it's growth. So, every other day or so you duct tape your head to remove more and more of the dead roots. Pretty image isn't it?
One of the most fun thing is that my brother asked me if I wanted him to shave his head in solidarity. We talked for a while, because my initial reaction was, "No, that's not something that I'd see anybody doing on my behalf." As he told me that he'd always wanted a good reason to try being bald (which I know to be absolutely true)... I made him a deal. He can go bald when I can visit Denver. Then, the first time he has to sing bald at church ... I get see him explain to the congregation that it's because of my going through my healing chemo treatments. We had one of the biggest laughs about how this is going to look to everyone! It will be so much fun and, I'm sure, very emotional.
Writing about this makes me cry ... I love him so much! My brother is one of the finest people ever to walk foot on this planet. His ability to center himself, care for his energy, and yet care for his wife, daughters and healing sister is almost miraculous. I admire how he seeks out people who can support him. It isn't easy feeling helpless in the face of my cancer diagnosis.
This isn't easy for any of my family or friends. There isn't anything that can really be "done" on my behalf. There is only talking, loving and prayer. But, what no one understands, is that's plenty!!! It's enough that people continue to reach out to me to talk and tell me that they love me. To that end, I can't tell you how much I love my Facebook and Twitter friends! Social media wasn't around ten years ago to keep me company when I had to take immune precautions. Today, I may have to avoid crowds ... but it's always beautifully "crowded" on FB & the Twitverse!!! I am so grateful and blessed by you all :)
Keep warm and know that I pray for everyone's health and peace!!
Blessings!
Colista
P.S. Thanks to the Mile Hi Church Choir members for purchasing stuff from my www.Zazzle.com/Colista art site! This and my jewelry are my only jobs right now and I can't thank you enough for your support! I'll be posting more designs each week and would appreciate your telling everyone about my stuff. Even if they don't purchase anything ... perhaps they will be inspired by the energy of the art ;)
x
Hair Loss #1 ~ Haiku
Hair is falling out
Chemo is doing its job
Slide to the bald side
~ Colista
x
The process toward being beautifully bare headed has begun. Bring on the hats, scarves, caps in styles that I would never wear if it weren't for the deficit of folicles :~) ... YOU guys have a tremendous day! Blessings to all! And So It Is
Chemo is doing its job
Slide to the bald side
~ Colista
x
The process toward being beautifully bare headed has begun. Bring on the hats, scarves, caps in styles that I would never wear if it weren't for the deficit of folicles :~) ... YOU guys have a tremendous day! Blessings to all! And So It Is
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Life Long Burden Lifting
I hope this update finds each of you propsering in the New Year! May you receive in return one thounsand fold any gift of love, support, strength that you give this day. I know you've already gotten much for supporting my journey and my heart!! I Thank you from the bottom of my soul.
What's new? Well, after speaking with my brother, I've been thinking a lot about a fear I've carried with me since childhood. Ironically enough, it was the fear of being a BURDEN. I've been motivated by this fear to put myself and my needs last on every list. Setting unrealistic expectations of myself as a friend, employee, co-worker, lover, artist, partner or volunteer. Now the Universe has provided me with this opportunity to be exactly the "burden" I fearned ... and get to see what a gift it is to be in this place!!
I am unemployment, uninsured, living off the resources of my elderly father and grandmother, emotionally draining my brother's, friend's, and doctor's energies. BUT ... as so many people of faith have reminded me ... I have given freely and completely in my life ... and it felt wonderful!! Now, others are being given the opportunity to give in return. This completes a lot of circles in my life ... and opens up energy for me to build a new reality ... one of being whole and complete, able to give and receive, creating an unlimited ability to flow and be fulfilled in return!
As an Executive Assistant, I loved being the go-to girl. The person that needed nothing and supported everyone. I was often a martyr about it... complaining while secretly thriving on it. I adored being a life coach ... but often felt like a fraud doling out advice on how to fulfill someone's lifelong dreams, while not being sure how I was serving my own dreams. I've loved being in love ... but didn't know how to temper my love for the men in my life with a solid, sturdy loving, caring for myself. The thing I feared most was that someone would turn to me and say ... you are useless ... you are worthless ... I can't believe I've paid, loved, cared about you and gotten nothing in return. So, I gave everything I was capable of giving .... just not to myself.
In the last 10 years, I've learned so much about caring for myself. But, looking back, I can see that I've been headed toward something like this health crisis for quite a while. You see, I am a JACKASSED, STUBBORN MULE of a WOMAN! My lessons and growth sometimes hit hard. It's often taken a large God-Sized mallet upside my head to get my attention and facilitate my growth. But, I'm finding a gentler place for healing and growth to occur. These posts are helping me sort this stuff out!
I need an improved vision for my life. Following my creams. Making my happiness a priority. Only in that way will I continue to draw people to me who are in that same place. People, especially a man, who is grounded in the truth and able to see me for the beautiful Spirit that I am. A vision of a wedding, and a marriage that is created with ease and grace. One that can stand the test of time which always brings growth and change. My girlfriends and my guy friends are those kinds of people ... on The Path. Centered. Growing. I am so grateful!
So, this post won't be found on Facebook or Twitter links. It's too personal. But I'll post it here so that my truth remains growing in this Universe ... even as it remains growing inside of me!!
Blessings to all!
Colista
x
What's new? Well, after speaking with my brother, I've been thinking a lot about a fear I've carried with me since childhood. Ironically enough, it was the fear of being a BURDEN. I've been motivated by this fear to put myself and my needs last on every list. Setting unrealistic expectations of myself as a friend, employee, co-worker, lover, artist, partner or volunteer. Now the Universe has provided me with this opportunity to be exactly the "burden" I fearned ... and get to see what a gift it is to be in this place!!
I am unemployment, uninsured, living off the resources of my elderly father and grandmother, emotionally draining my brother's, friend's, and doctor's energies. BUT ... as so many people of faith have reminded me ... I have given freely and completely in my life ... and it felt wonderful!! Now, others are being given the opportunity to give in return. This completes a lot of circles in my life ... and opens up energy for me to build a new reality ... one of being whole and complete, able to give and receive, creating an unlimited ability to flow and be fulfilled in return!
As an Executive Assistant, I loved being the go-to girl. The person that needed nothing and supported everyone. I was often a martyr about it... complaining while secretly thriving on it. I adored being a life coach ... but often felt like a fraud doling out advice on how to fulfill someone's lifelong dreams, while not being sure how I was serving my own dreams. I've loved being in love ... but didn't know how to temper my love for the men in my life with a solid, sturdy loving, caring for myself. The thing I feared most was that someone would turn to me and say ... you are useless ... you are worthless ... I can't believe I've paid, loved, cared about you and gotten nothing in return. So, I gave everything I was capable of giving .... just not to myself.
In the last 10 years, I've learned so much about caring for myself. But, looking back, I can see that I've been headed toward something like this health crisis for quite a while. You see, I am a JACKASSED, STUBBORN MULE of a WOMAN! My lessons and growth sometimes hit hard. It's often taken a large God-Sized mallet upside my head to get my attention and facilitate my growth. But, I'm finding a gentler place for healing and growth to occur. These posts are helping me sort this stuff out!
I need an improved vision for my life. Following my creams. Making my happiness a priority. Only in that way will I continue to draw people to me who are in that same place. People, especially a man, who is grounded in the truth and able to see me for the beautiful Spirit that I am. A vision of a wedding, and a marriage that is created with ease and grace. One that can stand the test of time which always brings growth and change. My girlfriends and my guy friends are those kinds of people ... on The Path. Centered. Growing. I am so grateful!
So, this post won't be found on Facebook or Twitter links. It's too personal. But I'll post it here so that my truth remains growing in this Universe ... even as it remains growing inside of me!!
Blessings to all!
Colista
x
Saturday, January 2, 2010
2010 ~ Haiku
It's Two Thousand Ten
A New Year begins again
Do somethin' kookie
~Colista
Having a rough day with nausia. Very glad to be alive!! ♥
"Goof" Tshirt and Mug is now available for viewing at My Original Art Zazzle Store. Thank you for taking a look and for letting others know about my art <3
x
A New Year begins again
Do somethin' kookie
~Colista
Having a rough day with nausia. Very glad to be alive!! ♥
"Goof" Tshirt and Mug is now available for viewing at My Original Art Zazzle Store. Thank you for taking a look and for letting others know about my art <3
x
Friday, January 1, 2010
Law of Circulation & Chemo #2
The Law of Circulation states, basically, that energy must flow out from you before a space is created for it to flow back to you. Often, in this existence, that "energy" is actually money. So, before I went to chemotherapy, I paid off the smallest of my medical bills. Dr. Diamond's office (my wonderful Paula Berg) received $249. I honor their care and expertise in making the initial cancer diagnosis. Although I spent most of the money I've received from donations, IT FELT GREAT!! Monday I'll pay $20 to each of the other bills, or $100 total. It barely makes a dent in the $60k bills that have quickly accumulated. I will spend all of the donations I get to make space for more miracles of abundance. There is only one bill that won't receive funds.
Rapid City Regional Hospital's $48k remains on hold until we know whether or not I qualify for SSD benefits or Medicaid. I was instructed not to pay anything at this time. The hospital bill won't be "collected" until we complete the application processes. Additionally, yesterday, a social worker, Allison, called and said that I may qualify for a SD State Assistance Program. Although I detest taking money from government entities, this program could reduce as much as 80% of the hospital and chemo bills! Fingers and toes are crossed on this one.
Chemotherapy (Series 1 - Infusion #2 - 2hrs 10min - chemo = Taxol) was interesting for several reasons. First was the physical reaction to the Benedryl drip (given to stave off my asthma symptoms). My legs wouldn't stop shaking and jerking ... but it also caused extreme sleepiness. The tired-but-jerky symptoms finally got to me and I had to take the infusion machine and walk around for a while. I didn't have this reaction during Infusion #1. I will ask Dr. Frederickson if she can change that drug to something with lesser side effects. This one pretty much sucked!!
Happy New Years to everyone! Thank you for being on this journey with me. MY NEW YEARS WISHES: May we all know our blessings when they arrive ... May we quit doing one thing that doesn't serve us ... and may we begin at least one new project that will grow us.
Colista
I'm still raising money by selling my art on www.Zazzle.com/Colista. Thanks for taking a look :O)
Rapid City Regional Hospital's $48k remains on hold until we know whether or not I qualify for SSD benefits or Medicaid. I was instructed not to pay anything at this time. The hospital bill won't be "collected" until we complete the application processes. Additionally, yesterday, a social worker, Allison, called and said that I may qualify for a SD State Assistance Program. Although I detest taking money from government entities, this program could reduce as much as 80% of the hospital and chemo bills! Fingers and toes are crossed on this one.
Chemotherapy (Series 1 - Infusion #2 - 2hrs 10min - chemo = Taxol) was interesting for several reasons. First was the physical reaction to the Benedryl drip (given to stave off my asthma symptoms). My legs wouldn't stop shaking and jerking ... but it also caused extreme sleepiness. The tired-but-jerky symptoms finally got to me and I had to take the infusion machine and walk around for a while. I didn't have this reaction during Infusion #1. I will ask Dr. Frederickson if she can change that drug to something with lesser side effects. This one pretty much sucked!!
Happy New Years to everyone! Thank you for being on this journey with me. MY NEW YEARS WISHES: May we all know our blessings when they arrive ... May we quit doing one thing that doesn't serve us ... and may we begin at least one new project that will grow us.
Colista
I'm still raising money by selling my art on www.Zazzle.com/Colista. Thanks for taking a look :O)
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