If this keeps up I'm going to have to learn to count in French! Second week in a row that chemo is being postponed. I'm grateful that the drugs are doing their job, that's certain. I'm grateful for my health, so that every cell in my body bounces back with grace and ease. I'm grateful that I can see myself as whole, healthy and perfect in every way.
Having acknowledged those truths ... I'm also upset and crying as I write this.
I know that I must cultivate a vision of this as perfection. I have to find that place where time means nothing. It's just a physical world's number that has no truth in the world of miracles. I will accept this as truth and not wish for a different outcome this week. I will keep writing and speaking these things until they live inside of me! And so it is !!
Right now, however, I'm still crying ... and I want a hug!!
I'm remember something that Gregg Braden says, in "The Gift of the Blessing"; We must bless those things that bring us pain. He clearly explains in both Biblical and Metaphysical ways why we cannot maintain anger lest we be pulled into a place of dis-ease and tension, neither of which are good for healing or happiness. I couldn't agree more and I practice this on a regular basis. I bless those that must end wars as well as those who want wars to end. Blessing those who harm as well as those who are harmed. I remember the divinity of each of their souls ... not just the divinity of those I "agree" with.
Right now I am angry at my body for betraying me. But it can't go on like this so ... my body deserves MY blessing! Thank you, earthly body ... for your curative, healing forces. Thank you for cleaning my body of all cells that do not belong in this perfect vessel ... and for creating paths for new, completely healthy cells to flourish! Thank you, for allowing me to experience divine miracles! Thank you for being strong and able to thrive in the face of any medication or procedure. Thank you, human body, for allowing me to become a stronger Spiritual being!. Thank you, God bless what you are, right where you are! And So It Is!!
Once again, and with much emotion, I want to thank all of you who follow along on this journey! I am doing my best to be honest without being raw. Those tougher emotions might be best kept among myself and family ... who can handle my crying like a 4 year old with the drippy snot and possibly spouting curse words like a dock worker! I bless you all on your way, wishing you health, prosperity and faith! You are in my prayers!! ASII
Blessings on you all !!
Colista
P.S. To the LCAers, who have often heard me begin prayers with ... GOD, THIS SUCKS ... BUT ...!!!! Thank you for having been with me for SO many years!! C'
x
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3 comments:
sending some love and hugs dear.
Honey, I have been thinking of you all day, and just now saw this....I just got done reading an amazing book by Don Soderquist called LIVE LEARN LEAD to Make a Difference, and I have been trying to be of comfort to others fighting the good fight with this horrible disease, but I thought of you when he covered the biblical verses that dealt with how sometimes pain and suffering can be used to help others. I see that in you....I see how brave and thoughtful you are in using this experience to help others. Sometimes we can't understand why we are asked to do things we are asked to do, or even the reasons why or the methods, but you are here for a greater purpose and it is not falling on deaf ears or blind eyes....
If I were there, I would give you a big hug and let you cry the tears that you most certainly deserve. I would hold your hand through the terrible news, and shout at the rooftops that our feeble and unworthy bodies are unreliable, stifling prisons keeping us from our true purpose...and then when you are ready, I will walk with you in the journey to be the guide and light for others following in the same path, or those who have loved ones who are. Because that is your purpose....you have to go through this, because your gift is to show how even through it all, we can still be pure, beautiful, humble servants to our fellow man.
Now, dry your eyes...know tomorrow is another day for your body to do the right thing, another day for you be a light for someone who needs it more than you might ever know, and grab a note book, because I have been given a gift too, and am have heard the call, and am fulfilling my destiny....
Are you ready?....
Resulto decir el francés.....un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf, dix. Feel free to call for the proper pronunciation, and I would be happy to count along with you anytime you need me to!
Love you, Admire you....Hang in there! Christa
It's OK to cry. It's OK to be angry. Bless your heart. Know that so many of us are walking with you on this journey the best we can. Just say to us whatever you need to say and trust that we'll be here to hear it.
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