the last cancer ...

In Feb. '98 I was diagnosed with Stage T3 Breast Cancer. After an 18 hr surgery, I got rehab for the muscles & tissue affected by the trauma. My relationship with my brother miraculously shifted to love AND I got my first REAL peek at my Eternal Soul and my love of ... let's face it ... breathing! Yet, I didn't have the age, experience or personal disciplines in place to maintain this fleeting connection to God, The One, The All.

While I recovered, I created art (like I am now), I learned how to create new jewelry (as I have this time) and I reached out to all of my family and friends (just as I have done each day of this leg of my journey). I grew in the exact ways I was supposed to grow ... and I progressed in my consciousness ... and I desperately wanted more and more education.

I bought books that confused me. I began with teachings far beyond what I could absorb. I attempted meditation without consulting with anyone who already made it a daily practice. I was lost in my wilderness of desiring more knowledge but having no avenue to truly achieve it. I didn't yet know that all I needed to do was ASK and the people would have appeared ... that was well beyond my understanding at that time.

After curing the breast cancer (or as the doctor's insist, putting it into "remission") I felt compelled to move to Denver, CO. My brother's family eventually lead me to Mile Hi Church, which isn't a church at all, but IS a school (The Holmes Institute). It was there that I FOUND LOVE! Little did I know that everything about this magnificent "religion", the people, the venue, the master teachers on staff and those they attract to them, the music, the arts .... would alter me eternally. Little did I know how much this would prepare me for this part of my journey.

From the continually unfolding Soul I am today, I lovingly look back on the perfectly insecure soul that I was 12 years ago. I love her faltering steps into conscious living. I adore her ability to start again, over & over ... asking questions and seeking teachers. I took every class I could get my hands on ... I read all of the books that were suggested to me. I meditated more (though not perfectly as some) and I learned more and more about loving myself first so that I could more boldly love others.

I know that my life is rich with the experiences that I continue to draw to myself. I believe that there is nothing that can stop me from living every one of the days that I am blessed to remain on this planet. With these beliefs in hand... I continue to call to myself master teachers in the form of books, audio cds, seminars, the rolling thunder, the wind, and those small still voices. I revel in my friends who are on this path with me ... allowing us to speak in a poetic short hand about The Universe, personal responsibility, the awesomeness of being human, and so much more.

I thank GOD for Facebook & Twitter because it has allowed me access to the minds of other seekers like me. They are finding wisdom for themselves and posting it here. You are experiencing joy, loss, fear and bliss and making a point to share it with everyone. We are on a journey in cyberspace where no knowledge is good or bad ... it is just there to be plucked out when we are ready to pursue it. For this and so much more I will remain grateful for FB and for ALL OF YOU !!!

What a gift! WHAT A RIDE !!!

Blessings, y'all,
Colista

the doctor said, "The chances are ...

Today I was confronted by my doctor's practicality, her many years of experience with ovarian cancer and her certainty of the way this "dis-ease" works. She tried three times to prepare me for the eventual reoccurrence of the cancer. She insisted that "in cases like yours" ... thus and thus will eventually occur. "We are on a path to keep the cancer away as long as possible. But it will inevitably return." Then she said the only thing I was willing to let in.


Dr. Frederickson: In my many years of treating this disease I've found that women fall into two distinct categories. Zero and One Hundred. Either a zero percent belief in their ability to survive or a 100% faith in their ability to beat cancer at all costs. When I look into your eyes, Colista, I see 100%. If anyone has the strength and courage to overcome this cancer it's you."

Now, THAT I heard and was crying from a knowing of the truth!!! Because that's MY truth. I can't even contemplate the smallest chance of a reoccurrence. The main reason is that there needs to be cancer cells present for them to "grow" ... and I don't believe that there are any irregular cells left in this body. I see only healthy multipliers creating more and more healthy cells. And so it is ...

My Facebook friends & family ... I can't thank you enough for holding this truth with me. Knowing my wholeness as I know yours. Knowing my prosperity as I know your abundance! Feeling the wellness as I feel your blessed energy lifting you to higher and higher dreams.

These are the truths of my heart,
Thank you for your prayers!!! (right back atcha)

Colista

Real Courage: Letting Go

It takes real courage to continue to hope, to keep pursuing a dream, when doubts and fears creep in. It is, after all, inevitable, as a human, to wonder about "How" our dreams are going to come true. What should I do? Where should I go? Should I cut my hair? Should I update my resume? ...


STOP !


When we become focused on the "How", which is the responsibility of Spirit -- in, of and through us all -- we become stuck to the ground. We feel heavy with burdens that are not ours to bear. We give attention to our humanness instead of our essence as Holy Beings. Only when we release the "How" to The Universe ... and let go of our human need to control everything ... do we really know peace and the freedom of true faith, trust and HOPE.


Will actions be required on our part? Of course, don't be silly. But when we let the actions, choices and movements flow through us -- knowing that we are experiencing the Guidance of The One -- we feel the synchronicities fully and the coincidences completely.


It's a beautiful feeling, no longer teathered to the ground by fear ... to fly toward one's dreams on the wings of faith ... floating on the warm, light air of hope ... with love blown up under our hearts by God!! We are truly free to follow our dreams with not just hope but true belief that it is done!

And So It Is !!!
Colista

Initially written: 8/1/2007