Back On Track

I woke up this morning and placed each foot on the ground. I said "Thank" as the first foot touched, and "You" as the second one stepped into the day. I said "Thank You" all the way to the bathroom. I said "Thank You" as I put my clothes on and brushed my teeth. The room was silent and the computer was off. I bathed in the gratitude that I fell for everyone in my life.

First, and foremost, I was thankful for the knowledge that I am eternally and completely connected to the God of My Understanding. No distance, no separation, no chance that I am not capable of the same miracles promised to each of us. I then thanked God for every member of my family ... every freind, acquaintance, co-worker, choir member, old high school friend, LCAer, and my wonderful Spirit Posse ... everone that I could remember in 30 minutes. At the end of my list I always say, "... and Spirit Bless all those I didn't remember and all who may have forgotten me." Just about covers everyone I've ever known :)

I decided to take several new gifts with me. On Monday I received a care package from my brother's family. They bought me dozens of amazing, thoughts, goofy gifts. I chose: 

1. I wore the little silver necklace with a shooting star that says Hope, Dream & Believe on the edges,
2. a book called "Guess How Much I Love You" which they all signed (and made me cry happy tears again today),
3. a purple/blue metal Sigg water bottle to remember how important water is,
4. a 1.5" tall Yoda because he teaches "Do or Do Not ... There Is No Try." (I left Papa Smurf at home because I didn't want to snort laugh any more! Go ahead and ask Thom what he made Papa Smurf say),
5. I wore their t-shirt that has graphics of all of the Beatles albums on it. SO COOL, and 
6. a shawl for my shoulders that have hearts all around the fringed edges!

Once I arrived at the infusion center, I made a point tell each of the nurses how much I appreciated their skills and their big hearts. I put purpose stickers on each of the bags of fluids and syringes that they put into my body, which said either "Gratitude" or "God Is In The Chemo". Five and a half hours later I'm home, tired and looking forward to a long nap. What an amazing day!

Back on track and ready for miracles! Wishing you the very same!!!!
I am so grateful for you !!!

Colista


Jeff - Please contact me ... I'm not evil and, face it, you do miss me ... ever your friend! Beetlebum... =0)

Five Hours of Chemo

5.5 hrs of chemo today ... already sleepy from the meds. Saying prayers for everyone I know... again I am lifted! Blessings to my Spirit Posse, family and friends! ASII (And So It Is)
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Silly notes we sing
Funny, happy, snappy tunes
Songs perk up the day
    ~Colista

I'd like to know some favorite songs ... I'll add them to my iPod for inspiration or just a good reason for some silly dancing!! I'm so happy you're my friends!! ♥

Blood Work 6,231!!!

Blood Work count was 6,231 !!!!! Chemo on Wed is a certainty! Whew, getting back on track is a good thing. I hope you are all getting such good news on this fourth Monday of 2010! ... Now back to painting more vibrant, healing pictures ;) ♥

Bursting ~ Haiku

God created you
Unique and so passionate
Bursting with the Light
    ~Colista



Yo, Butt Head ... contact me!
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First, Cute Wig!

Thanks to my friend, Jolee Wolf, I got my first, cute wig yesterday. Patty, at Rapid City Regional Hospital, takes donation wigs and has them cleaned and, if necessary, updates the styling. There is a little room where she takes women who are coming to terms with their baldness and trys to find them a suitable "confidence booster". There isn't a large selection, but Patty says that she's almost always able to match up a woman with something that will work, at least, temporarily. I encourage you all to donate wigs to your local centers!!

I "traded" two crocheted caps, (from my Auntie Joanne) for the opportunity to have one of the wigs. Patty said it was unnecessary, but I told her that I really needed to give before I received. One cap was royal blue and the other a royal purple, blue and pink mix. Patty grinned when she saw them and asked if she could hold them back and give them to women with "big" personalities ... of course, I said yes!

She also invited me to this month's "Look Good...Feel Good" Event. Patty explained that most Cancer Centers bring together women who are experiencing complete hair loss and teaches them how to care for their newly sensitive skin and how to camouflage with makeup. The gatherings are sponsored by the American Cancer Society and several major cosmetic companies, who also give out free cosmetics to the attendees! Best of all ... I'll get to meet 5 or 6 other women who are experiencing the loss of not just their head of hair but also their eyelashes and eyebrows. WOW! I feel so blessed!!

That's all I know today ... but I want to end by saying I hope you are having a fantastic week and can find at least 3 things that you are grateful for. My gratitude lists are usually dozens of lines ... but always included in the top 5 is how grateful I am for my internet "Spirit Posse" ... I'm amazed by your courage to follow along this journey with me. I thank The God of my Understanding for you and include you in my daily prayers!!

Many, many, many Blessings!!
Colista ♥
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Breating Energy ~ Haiku

Breathing in and out
Energy clear to your toes
Ready for the day
    ~Colista
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White Cloud ~ Haiku

See today's troubles
Floating by like a white cloud
A peaceful river
    ~Colista

YEA! Blood work good (1025) & there'll be chemo Wed. 8am. Odd to want this so much... and to have this bitter/sweet feeling about it. I'm grateful for the technology, yet sad to need it in the first place. I'm also sad because I really wanted to share this good news with my friend Jeff. It sucks to miss his ass like I do. I know that he's taking care of himself, but... DAMN IT!

Thanks for listening to me express my gratitude and lament a little. I am SO grateful for each of you!

Peace to you all! ♥
C'
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Bulldozer ~ Haiku

God grew me this way...
Helpless as a bulldozer!
Nothing can stop me!!
    ~Colista

I imagine the power of a bulldozer. It doesn't stop until it gets done! Strong, sturdy and steady on it's way! I like that thought for each of us. Ceaseless effort given to tasks that needs doing! Blessings to you guys, my "Bulldozer Spirit Posse"!! ASII ♥ ♥ ♥
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Hum Happy ~ Haiku

Begin this new day
Singing and tapping your toes
Hum yourself happy
    ~Colista
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98% Chance of Chemo!!

Met with the amazing Dr. Helen Frederickson, ObGyn/ Oncologist/ Surgeon, at 3pm today and got a lot of questions answered. First, she said that the chances of chemo next Wed. are 98%. Second, I should continue to meditate and manifest the magic blood work number 1,000! Unlike other chemo protocols, this one is so strict that it will not let her proceed without that magic number. My body will heal and adjust to this process ... especially now that I know what it is that I'm manifesting !!

The next topic was financial. Dr. Fred said that I shouldn't worry about my medical bills. She said that no cancer patient of hers will ever go without care and treatment ... and the bills will take care of themselves. She will continue to send invoices so that when I get aide there will be a record of her care and treatment so that she can be reimbursed. If, however, I am not eligible for a program that would reimburse her ... she said that her company would assist me and that  "If we keep billing you it's easier to write this off at the end of the treatment." I'm ever hopeful that aide will arrive to assist me in paying the bills ... and so it is !!! In many forms from many avenues.. Woo Hoo.

We discussed my visiting Denver in February. I told her that I wanted to know when each series would be administered because the first series, with the big three drugs, causes some nausia. She said that the 2nd or 3rd week in February would probably work best. So, I'll continue conversations with my brother and his family and know that the perfect time to come and see everyone in Denver will come to pass! Can't wait to attend church and give out hundreds of hugs!!

Speaking of church, Rev. Cynthia James called me today and spent 30 minutes of her valuable time speaking with me about my vision for recovery. Her insights into creative visioning and developing new and powerful affirmations was much needed. It gives Kay and I a direction for our weekly work. She said that the reason I'm having a hard time visioning my future is that I have two paths currently running in tandem. The first is survival and the second is my calling to follow my bliss. I am being called for something bigger and I'm not yet in resonance with that higher vision. Wow! Gives me a path for bigger prayers. ASII

Since my teens I've known that art and communication are my callings. My art and my ability to break down complex ideas is being called into purpose. My willingness to be available to Spirit for that higher purpose is undenyable. I have been used and will remain open to being used to teach, to learn and to love!! Rev. Cynthia's feeling was that my creativity can be of service and abundance to the world. I'd settle for being creative and in service to whatever community truly needs what I have learned and am learning today.

So, there's today in a nut shell. Feeling good physically and emotionally. Manifesting perfection, peace and patience ... and I wish the same for each of you. Don't forget to let me know if you have a prayer need or wish me to hold something in consciousness. I am available ...

Blessings!
Colista

There are new items on my art site ... I've scanned my 1" x 1" box tops and am making items with them. An example is above... hope you'll check them out at www.Zazzle.com/Colista.
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Friendships ~ Haiku

Serendipity
Friendships are not accidents
Our Souls choose wisely!
    ~Colista

Thank you for finding me ... friending me ... and following with me, by my side through this journey we call life! You are my angels & I am SO blessed! ASII ♥ ♥ ♥ ... P.S. IT'S FRIDAY Y'ALL ... Pa'tay a littl' bit for me ;)

P.S. Okay - to clairfy... by "party" I mean do whatever brings up your energy without being self-destructive! Hang with people who care about you & attempt to make 'em laugh :) ♥
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Shaving My Head ~ VIDEO

Wrote instructions into the video ...
where to fast forward and where to listen to me giggle.

I wish to share not to bore you to tears while I take shears to my Woodstock hair. I did this last Sunday but wasn't ready to post it for the masses until today. I want to thank my Auntie Joanne for the crochet of three really nice, warm hats. I also want to thank you guys for being here with me... it NEVER goes unnoticed or unappreciated! BLESS YOU!!! C'

The video is posted on Facebook ... you can friend me at Colista Lich ... just send me a note and tell me you found my blog and wish to follow my journey :)

May you know gratitude in your abundance, and faith in your miracles!!
Colista
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Bless Hugs ~ Haiku

Bless those who hug you
Great exchange of energy
Cherish the moments
    ~Colista

<< SMILE >>
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Chemo Delayed Part Deux

If this keeps up I'm going to have to learn to count in French! Second week in a row that chemo is being postponed. I'm grateful that the drugs are doing their job, that's certain. I'm grateful for my health, so that every cell in my body bounces back with grace and ease. I'm grateful that I can see myself as whole, healthy and perfect in every way.

Having acknowledged those truths ... I'm also upset and crying as I write this.

I know that I must cultivate a vision of this as perfection. I have to find that place where time means nothing. It's just a physical world's number that has no truth in the world of miracles. I will accept this as truth and not wish for a different outcome this week. I will keep writing and speaking these things until they live inside of me! And so it is !!

Right now, however, I'm still crying ... and I want a hug!!

I'm remember something that Gregg Braden says, in "The Gift of the Blessing"; We must bless those things that bring us pain. He clearly explains in both Biblical and Metaphysical ways why we cannot maintain anger lest we be pulled into a place of dis-ease and tension, neither of which are good for healing or happiness. I couldn't agree more and I practice this on a regular basis. I bless those that must end wars as well as those who want wars to end. Blessing those who harm as well as those who are harmed.  I remember the divinity of each of their souls ... not just the divinity of those I "agree" with.

Right now I am angry at my body for betraying me. But it can't go on like this so ... my body deserves MY blessing! Thank you, earthly body ... for your curative, healing forces. Thank you for cleaning my body of all cells that do not belong in this perfect vessel ... and for creating paths for new, completely healthy cells to flourish! Thank you, for allowing me to experience divine miracles! Thank you for being strong and able to thrive in the face of any medication or procedure. Thank you, human body, for allowing me to become a stronger Spiritual being!. Thank you, God bless what you are, right where you are! And So It Is!!

Once again, and with much emotion, I want to thank all of you who follow along on this journey! I am doing my best to be honest without being raw. Those tougher emotions might be best kept among myself and family ... who can handle my crying like a 4 year old with the drippy snot and possibly spouting curse words like a dock worker! I bless you all on your way, wishing you health, prosperity and faith! You are in my prayers!! ASII

Blessings on you all !!
Colista

P.S. To the LCAers, who have often heard me begin prayers with ... GOD, THIS SUCKS ... BUT ...!!!!  Thank you for having been with me for SO many years!!  C'
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How Many Blessings? ~ Haiku

How many blessings
are too much for one lifetime?
There is no such thing!
    ~Colista
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Angel CLE Classes!

I woke up slowly from my dream. It was a long dream, and I'll leave out the really weird parts about being on a dating-type show (hehe), but the jist was ... being in a not-so-serious car wreck and having someone come by to assist me. I said to this person, "You are such an angel for stopping to help me. I don't know what I would have done at this time of night?" They replied, "I get the pleasure of being one of your angels. It's the only reason we keep coming back."

In the dream, and as I woke, that statement struck me as such a profound truth! It also harkens back to a children's book that I tend to quote to my friends ... "The Little Soul and the Sun" by Neale Donald Walsch (Author) and Frank Riccio (Illustrator) ... were it says, ""Of course this Friendly Soul is an angel!" God interrupted. "Everyone is! Always remember: I have sent you nothing but angels."" The book is fabulous, and I recommend you read it if you are sad about your current circumstances. But the memory of this book is just the jumping off point to my angel musings...

What if Earth is a part of "heaven"? What if this is the testing ground for getting our etherial wings? Or is the place were we take our "continuing education" classes? Here is where we get the chance to experience forgiveness when an angel does something to be forgiven. We get to experience love when another angel comes into our life as someone lovable. We get to experience all of the emotions necessary to make us better & better "unseen" angels!! After we have experienced being human angels ... we make much better decisions as heavenly hosts.

This thought makes me cry ... because I can see ALL of my family, friends, doctors, nurses, acquaintances, etc. as the Angels that you are. I can even see the angel in those who are here to experience "pain". They are the "low energy" angels who have chosen to experience "suffering" or "separation from God" ... gifting us with the experience of being caring, loving and patient. Without someone to care for, to love, or be patient with ... how else would we experience these things that are all a part of The Great I Am?

I have always said that we are only here for three reasons ... To Learn ... To Teach ... and to Love! While teaching we learn ... while learning we teach ... and while loving we are changing the vibration of the very planet we live on! We take these three things with us everywhere we go. I'll write more on this in another posting ... because it's a book in progress.

Through the tears I shed as I write this morning ... I can see exactly how my life is blessed with Angels! I can also see and, more importantly, FEEL my own divinity. I work at giving more and more each day ... even as I need care, medical attention, love, phone calls, hugs, and laughter from my Angels in return. Nothing will stop me from being an Angel here on earth ... gathering experiences with you, my amazing Angel friends!!

Blessings to you!
Colista
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We Are Angels ~ Haiku

We are the angels!
Doing good deeds here on earth
In big and small ways
    ~Colista

I dreamed about being an angel here on earth ... and knew that when we get to "heaven" we experience all of the blessings we gave out and all of the chances we missed. We learn so that we can give more the next time we are angels! *smile* ♥
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Dream Big ~ Haiku

If you can believe
Your dreams will become your truth
So dream REALLY big!
    ~Colista

Chemo may be removing my shockingly yellow hair (Woodstock), but I'm still me! Today's blog talked about this ... and gives my little brother, Thom, a big hug! Have a warm, snuggly evening everyone, and thank you for taking time out of your lives to spend some of it with me.  Many abundant Blessings! ASII
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Chemo Hair Loss Experience

My brother, Thom, said that my hair loss is PROOF that the chemotherapy is doing it's job. The healing drugs are eliminating all of the fast growing cells! In my opinion the elimination of those cells is occurring to make room, in the future, for healthier tissues to arrive! And so it is!

Last night the memory returned of experiencing this process 10 years ago. It's very uncomfortable. My scalp feels like there are sores all over it. Touching my head causes a burning feeling and releases more hair. It wasn't even pleasant to take a shower this morning because washing caused more pain than relief.

So, what happens next? Well, I decided that this time (the very last time - amen) I'm going to let the hair fall out for a while. During my breast cancer chemo, the first morning I washed my hair and hunks of it ended up between my fingers ... I immediately drove to the wig maker and had her sheer off the rest. Today, I've decided to let it progress for a while. There are two reasons. First, I "feel" that I must see this happen this time and not try to avoid it. The second reason, the more that falls out naturally ... the less I'll have to remove with duct tape! Yes, duct tape. You see, you have to get the roots out of the scalp so that when the new hair comes back there isn't a dead root blocking it's growth. So, every other day or so you duct tape your head to remove more and more of the dead roots.  Pretty image isn't it?

One of the most fun thing is that my brother asked me if I wanted him to shave his head in solidarity. We talked for a while, because my initial reaction was, "No, that's not something that I'd see anybody doing on my behalf." As he told me that he'd always wanted a good reason to try being bald (which I know to be absolutely true)... I made him a deal. He can go bald when I can visit Denver. Then, the first time he has to sing bald at church ... I get see him explain to the congregation that it's because of my going through my healing chemo treatments. We had one of the biggest laughs about how this is going to look to everyone! It will be so much fun and, I'm sure, very emotional.

Writing about this makes me cry ... I love him so much! My brother is one of the finest people ever to walk foot on this planet. His ability to center himself, care for his energy, and yet care for his wife, daughters and healing sister is almost miraculous. I admire how he seeks out people who can support him. It isn't easy feeling helpless in the face of my cancer diagnosis.

This isn't easy for any of my family or friends. There isn't anything that can really be "done" on my behalf. There is only talking, loving and prayer. But, what no one understands, is that's plenty!!! It's enough that people continue to reach out to me to talk and tell me that they love me. To that end, I can't tell you how much I love my Facebook and Twitter friends! Social media wasn't around ten years ago to keep me company when I had to take immune precautions. Today, I may have to avoid crowds ... but it's always beautifully "crowded" on FB & the Twitverse!!!  I am so grateful and blessed by you all :)

Keep warm and know that I pray for everyone's health and peace!!
Blessings!

Colista

P.S. Thanks to the Mile Hi Church Choir members for purchasing stuff from my www.Zazzle.com/Colista art site! This and my jewelry are my only jobs right now and I can't thank you enough for your support! I'll be posting more designs each week and would appreciate your telling everyone about my stuff. Even if they don't purchase anything ... perhaps they will be inspired by the energy of the art ;)
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Hair Loss #1 ~ Haiku

Hair is falling out
Chemo is doing its job
Slide to the bald side
   ~ Colista
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The process toward being beautifully bare headed has begun. Bring on the hats, scarves, caps in styles that I would never wear if it weren't for the deficit of folicles :~) ... YOU guys have a tremendous day! Blessings to all! And So It Is

Life Long Burden Lifting

I hope this update finds each of you propsering in the New Year! May you receive in return one thounsand fold any gift of love, support, strength that you give this day. I know you've already gotten much for supporting my journey and my heart!!  I Thank you from the bottom of my soul.

What's new? Well, after speaking with my brother, I've been thinking a lot about a fear I've carried with me since childhood. Ironically enough, it was the fear of being a BURDEN. I've been motivated by this fear to put myself and my needs last on every list. Setting unrealistic expectations of myself as a friend, employee, co-worker, lover, artist, partner or volunteer. Now the Universe has provided me with this opportunity to be exactly the "burden" I fearned ... and get to see what a gift it is to be in this place!!

I am unemployment, uninsured, living off the resources of my elderly father and grandmother, emotionally draining my brother's, friend's, and doctor's energies. BUT ... as so many people of faith have reminded me ... I have given freely and completely in my life ... and it felt wonderful!! Now, others are being given the opportunity to give in return. This completes a lot of circles in my life ... and opens up energy for me to build a new reality ... one of being whole and complete, able to give and receive, creating an unlimited ability to flow and be fulfilled in return!

As an Executive Assistant, I loved being the go-to girl. The person that needed nothing and supported everyone. I was often a martyr about it... complaining while secretly thriving on it. I adored being a life coach ... but often felt like a fraud doling out advice on how to fulfill someone's lifelong dreams, while not being sure how I was serving my own dreams. I've loved being in love ... but didn't know how to temper my love for the men in my life with a solid, sturdy loving, caring for myself. The thing I feared most was that someone would turn to me and say ... you are useless ... you are worthless ... I can't believe I've paid, loved, cared about you and gotten nothing in return. So, I gave everything I was capable of giving .... just not to myself.

In the last 10 years, I've learned so much about caring for myself. But, looking back, I can see that I've been headed toward something like this health crisis for quite a while. You see, I am a JACKASSED, STUBBORN MULE of a WOMAN! My lessons and growth sometimes hit hard. It's often taken a large God-Sized mallet upside my head to get my attention and facilitate my growth. But, I'm finding a gentler place for healing and growth to occur. These posts are helping me sort this stuff out!

I need an improved vision for my life. Following my creams. Making my happiness a priority. Only in that way will I continue to draw people to me who are in that same place. People, especially a man, who is grounded in the truth and able to see me for the beautiful Spirit that I am. A vision of a wedding, and a marriage that is created with ease and grace. One that can stand the test of time which always brings growth and change. My girlfriends and my guy friends are those kinds of people ... on The Path. Centered. Growing. I am so grateful!

So, this post won't be found on Facebook or Twitter links. It's too personal. But I'll post it here so that my truth remains growing in this Universe ... even as it remains growing inside of me!!

Blessings to all!
Colista

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2010 ~ Haiku

It's Two Thousand Ten
A New Year begins again
Do somethin' kookie
    ~Colista

Having a rough day with nausia. Very glad to be alive!! ♥

"Goof" Tshirt and Mug is now available for viewing at My Original Art Zazzle Store. Thank you for taking a look and for letting others know about my art <3
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Law of Circulation & Chemo #2

The Law of Circulation states, basically, that energy must flow out from you before a space is created for it to flow back to you. Often, in this existence, that "energy" is actually money. So, before I went to chemotherapy, I paid off the smallest of my medical bills. Dr. Diamond's office (my wonderful Paula Berg) received $249. I honor their care and expertise in making the initial cancer diagnosis. Although I spent most of the money I've received from donations, IT FELT GREAT!! Monday I'll pay $20 to each of the other bills, or $100 total. It barely makes a dent in the $60k bills that have quickly accumulated. I will  spend all of the donations I get to make space for more miracles of abundance. There is only one bill that won't receive funds.

Rapid City Regional Hospital's $48k remains on hold until we know whether or not I qualify for SSD benefits or Medicaid. I was instructed not to pay anything at this time. The hospital bill won't be "collected" until we complete the application processes. Additionally, yesterday, a social worker, Allison, called and said that I may qualify for a SD State Assistance Program. Although I detest taking money from government entities, this program could reduce as much as 80% of the hospital and chemo bills! Fingers and toes are crossed on this one.

Chemotherapy (Series 1 - Infusion #2 - 2hrs 10min - chemo = Taxol) was interesting for several reasons. First was the physical reaction to the Benedryl drip (given to stave off my asthma symptoms). My legs wouldn't stop shaking and jerking ... but it also caused extreme sleepiness. The tired-but-jerky symptoms finally got to me and I had to take the infusion machine and walk around for a while. I didn't have this reaction during Infusion #1. I will ask Dr. Frederickson if she can change that drug to something with lesser side effects. This one pretty much sucked!!

Happy New Years to everyone! Thank you for being on this journey with me. MY NEW YEARS WISHES: May we all know our blessings when they arrive ... May we quit doing one thing that doesn't serve us ... and may we begin at least one new project that will grow us.

Colista

I'm still raising money by selling my art on www.Zazzle.com/Colista. Thanks for taking a look :O)