In Feb. '98 I was diagnosed with Stage T3 Breast Cancer. After an 18 hr surgery, I got rehab for the muscles & tissue affected by the trauma. My relationship with my brother miraculously shifted to love AND I got my first REAL peek at my Eternal Soul and my love of ... let's face it ... breathing! Yet, I didn't have the age, experience or personal disciplines in place to maintain this fleeting connection to God, The One, The All.
While I recovered, I created art (like I am now), I learned how to create new jewelry (as I have this time) and I reached out to all of my family and friends (just as I have done each day of this leg of my journey). I grew in the exact ways I was supposed to grow ... and I progressed in my consciousness ... and I desperately wanted more and more education.
I bought books that confused me. I began with teachings far beyond what I could absorb. I attempted meditation without consulting with anyone who already made it a daily practice. I was lost in my wilderness of desiring more knowledge but having no avenue to truly achieve it. I didn't yet know that all I needed to do was ASK and the people would have appeared ... that was well beyond my understanding at that time.
After curing the breast cancer (or as the doctor's insist, putting it into "remission") I felt compelled to move to Denver, CO. My brother's family eventually lead me to Mile Hi Church, which isn't a church at all, but IS a school (The Holmes Institute). It was there that I FOUND LOVE! Little did I know that everything about this magnificent "religion", the people, the venue, the master teachers on staff and those they attract to them, the music, the arts .... would alter me eternally. Little did I know how much this would prepare me for this part of my journey.
From the continually unfolding Soul I am today, I lovingly look back on the perfectly insecure soul that I was 12 years ago. I love her faltering steps into conscious living. I adore her ability to start again, over & over ... asking questions and seeking teachers. I took every class I could get my hands on ... I read all of the books that were suggested to me. I meditated more (though not perfectly as some) and I learned more and more about loving myself first so that I could more boldly love others.
I know that my life is rich with the experiences that I continue to draw to myself. I believe that there is nothing that can stop me from living every one of the days that I am blessed to remain on this planet. With these beliefs in hand... I continue to call to myself master teachers in the form of books, audio cds, seminars, the rolling thunder, the wind, and those small still voices. I revel in my friends who are on this path with me ... allowing us to speak in a poetic short hand about The Universe, personal responsibility, the awesomeness of being human, and so much more.
I thank GOD for Facebook & Twitter because it has allowed me access to the minds of other seekers like me. They are finding wisdom for themselves and posting it here. You are experiencing joy, loss, fear and bliss and making a point to share it with everyone. We are on a journey in cyberspace where no knowledge is good or bad ... it is just there to be plucked out when we are ready to pursue it. For this and so much more I will remain grateful for FB and for ALL OF YOU !!!
What a gift! WHAT A RIDE !!!
Blessings, y'all,
Colista
Monday, July 12, 2010
Thursday, July 8, 2010
the doctor said, "The chances are ...
Today I was confronted by my doctor's practicality, her many years of experience with ovarian cancer and her certainty of the way this "dis-ease" works. She tried three times to prepare me for the eventual reoccurrence of the cancer. She insisted that "in cases like yours" ... thus and thus will eventually occur. "We are on a path to keep the cancer away as long as possible. But it will inevitably return." Then she said the only thing I was willing to let in.
Dr. Frederickson: In my many years of treating this disease I've found that women fall into two distinct categories. Zero and One Hundred. Either a zero percent belief in their ability to survive or a 100% faith in their ability to beat cancer at all costs. When I look into your eyes, Colista, I see 100%. If anyone has the strength and courage to overcome this cancer it's you."
Now, THAT I heard and was crying from a knowing of the truth!!! Because that's MY truth. I can't even contemplate the smallest chance of a reoccurrence. The main reason is that there needs to be cancer cells present for them to "grow" ... and I don't believe that there are any irregular cells left in this body. I see only healthy multipliers creating more and more healthy cells. And so it is ...
My Facebook friends & family ... I can't thank you enough for holding this truth with me. Knowing my wholeness as I know yours. Knowing my prosperity as I know your abundance! Feeling the wellness as I feel your blessed energy lifting you to higher and higher dreams.
These are the truths of my heart,
Thank you for your prayers!!! (right back atcha)
Colista
Dr. Frederickson: In my many years of treating this disease I've found that women fall into two distinct categories. Zero and One Hundred. Either a zero percent belief in their ability to survive or a 100% faith in their ability to beat cancer at all costs. When I look into your eyes, Colista, I see 100%. If anyone has the strength and courage to overcome this cancer it's you."
Now, THAT I heard and was crying from a knowing of the truth!!! Because that's MY truth. I can't even contemplate the smallest chance of a reoccurrence. The main reason is that there needs to be cancer cells present for them to "grow" ... and I don't believe that there are any irregular cells left in this body. I see only healthy multipliers creating more and more healthy cells. And so it is ...
My Facebook friends & family ... I can't thank you enough for holding this truth with me. Knowing my wholeness as I know yours. Knowing my prosperity as I know your abundance! Feeling the wellness as I feel your blessed energy lifting you to higher and higher dreams.
These are the truths of my heart,
Thank you for your prayers!!! (right back atcha)
Colista
Real Courage: Letting Go
It takes real courage to continue to hope, to keep pursuing a dream, when doubts and fears creep in. It is, after all, inevitable, as a human, to wonder about "How" our dreams are going to come true. What should I do? Where should I go? Should I cut my hair? Should I update my resume? ...
STOP !
When we become focused on the "How", which is the responsibility of Spirit -- in, of and through us all -- we become stuck to the ground. We feel heavy with burdens that are not ours to bear. We give attention to our humanness instead of our essence as Holy Beings. Only when we release the "How" to The Universe ... and let go of our human need to control everything ... do we really know peace and the freedom of true faith, trust and HOPE.
Will actions be required on our part? Of course, don't be silly. But when we let the actions, choices and movements flow through us -- knowing that we are experiencing the Guidance of The One -- we feel the synchronicities fully and the coincidences completely.
It's a beautiful feeling, no longer teathered to the ground by fear ... to fly toward one's dreams on the wings of faith ... floating on the warm, light air of hope ... with love blown up under our hearts by God!! We are truly free to follow our dreams with not just hope but true belief that it is done!
And So It Is !!!
Colista
Initially written: 8/1/2007
STOP !
When we become focused on the "How", which is the responsibility of Spirit -- in, of and through us all -- we become stuck to the ground. We feel heavy with burdens that are not ours to bear. We give attention to our humanness instead of our essence as Holy Beings. Only when we release the "How" to The Universe ... and let go of our human need to control everything ... do we really know peace and the freedom of true faith, trust and HOPE.
Will actions be required on our part? Of course, don't be silly. But when we let the actions, choices and movements flow through us -- knowing that we are experiencing the Guidance of The One -- we feel the synchronicities fully and the coincidences completely.
It's a beautiful feeling, no longer teathered to the ground by fear ... to fly toward one's dreams on the wings of faith ... floating on the warm, light air of hope ... with love blown up under our hearts by God!! We are truly free to follow our dreams with not just hope but true belief that it is done!
And So It Is !!!
Colista
Initially written: 8/1/2007
Thursday, May 13, 2010
No Metastatic Disease !!!
IT IS OFFICIAL... the CT Scan results read, "...no evidence of metastatic disease what so ever!!!" My cancer is in remission!!! No cancer can be found in my body ... my CA125 number (which needs to be below 35) is now down to 7.6 from it's previous 9. WOOO HOOOO !!!!!!
Unfortunately, my doctor couldn't be as excited as I am. She cautiously said, "things are looking good at this point in the treatment," and "we have a ways to go, however, this is quite a good result." But her words aren't new to me. I heard the same tentative sentences 11 years ago when I was told my Stage T3B breast cancer was in remission.
I refuse to be anything but excited by this news and I'm WOO HOOING LOUD & CLEAR to let God know that this is the kind of news that makes me happy and makes my Spirit soar! This is what I want more of!!! Miracle news of being cancer free!! And so it is ... bring it on.
What happens now? I have to continue on the chemo maintenance protocol. Chemo every three weeks for the next 12 months. In that time, my hair, eyelashes and eyebrows will grow back. My energy will return and I won't have to worry so much about exposure to the sun. Such great news!
My first phone call was to my brother. We had a great talk about the miracle!! He then told me that this Sunday he's singing the song "Live Like You Were Dying" at Mile Hi Church. He reminded me that I have a choice to make. I can either embrace the life and attitudes that caused this dis-ease OR the new knowledge about my Spirit and my dreams that have lead to the healing. If I'm not vigilent I could find myself in the same rat race mentality. But I reminded Thom that I'm not the same person I was 6 months ago. And, with loving brother energy, he wholeheartedly agreed with me :)
I keep bursting into tears ... and then giggling ... and laughing all at the same time. I knew the truth before the words were spoken. And yet, I'm still shocked and surprised that all of the tests agree with my truth! I should say OUR TRUTH because so many of you have kept me in your thoughts and prayers. You've treated for me, done energy work on my behalf and simply thought of me on occassion. You've written me beautiful, supportive poetry ... put up with my haiku, and have kept me laughing and looking toward the future! You've encouraged me to follow my dreams .... to live like I was dying.
I love you all SO much! I can't repay your kindnesses ... except to live a full, long, big life! I'm following all of the dreams that have been fully formed during this time of upheavals, miracles ... and change.
There's more to come ... I'm not done sharing this journey!! Thank you for joining me. I'm glad to be here with you!
ABUNDANT BLESSINGS TO ALL !!!!!
Colista
Unfortunately, my doctor couldn't be as excited as I am. She cautiously said, "things are looking good at this point in the treatment," and "we have a ways to go, however, this is quite a good result." But her words aren't new to me. I heard the same tentative sentences 11 years ago when I was told my Stage T3B breast cancer was in remission.
I refuse to be anything but excited by this news and I'm WOO HOOING LOUD & CLEAR to let God know that this is the kind of news that makes me happy and makes my Spirit soar! This is what I want more of!!! Miracle news of being cancer free!! And so it is ... bring it on.
What happens now? I have to continue on the chemo maintenance protocol. Chemo every three weeks for the next 12 months. In that time, my hair, eyelashes and eyebrows will grow back. My energy will return and I won't have to worry so much about exposure to the sun. Such great news!
My first phone call was to my brother. We had a great talk about the miracle!! He then told me that this Sunday he's singing the song "Live Like You Were Dying" at Mile Hi Church. He reminded me that I have a choice to make. I can either embrace the life and attitudes that caused this dis-ease OR the new knowledge about my Spirit and my dreams that have lead to the healing. If I'm not vigilent I could find myself in the same rat race mentality. But I reminded Thom that I'm not the same person I was 6 months ago. And, with loving brother energy, he wholeheartedly agreed with me :)
I keep bursting into tears ... and then giggling ... and laughing all at the same time. I knew the truth before the words were spoken. And yet, I'm still shocked and surprised that all of the tests agree with my truth! I should say OUR TRUTH because so many of you have kept me in your thoughts and prayers. You've treated for me, done energy work on my behalf and simply thought of me on occassion. You've written me beautiful, supportive poetry ... put up with my haiku, and have kept me laughing and looking toward the future! You've encouraged me to follow my dreams .... to live like I was dying.
I love you all SO much! I can't repay your kindnesses ... except to live a full, long, big life! I'm following all of the dreams that have been fully formed during this time of upheavals, miracles ... and change.
There's more to come ... I'm not done sharing this journey!! Thank you for joining me. I'm glad to be here with you!
ABUNDANT BLESSINGS TO ALL !!!!!
Colista
Monday, April 19, 2010
When Mr. Change Visits
It won't come as any surprise that humans like consistency. Familiarity is what we crave, sameness with only slight variations, and the comfortably expected routines. And just when we've gathered a measure of comfort Mr. Change pulls up for a visit.
It's a given that Mr. Change isn't someone that we enjoy having over to the house. His timing sucks. He's rude. He has no regard for our discomfort at his arrival. He just barges in, changing everything on the first day of his visit and, possibly, for all time. Is it any wonder that we've grown to dislike him, or even fear him? Nope!
But here's a secret you need to know about Mr. Change ... he has a heart as big as all out doors! In fact, he has a heart as big EVERYTHING. How is this possible? This rude, inappropriate, abrupt thing? It's because Mr. Change was created by the God of your understanding. Mr. Change is the Spirit that watches over us and the Universe that knows that life without change is an absolute impossiblity! He wants nothing but the best for us.
Mr. Change has implicit instructions. He's there to make us grow. It's his goal to encourage us to think about the "better and more" in our lives. The better and more than we could ever imagine! He knows the secret to human life. He understands what we don't like to admit ... that we need changes in order to fully experience being human!
Mr. Change takes all our fear of him, all of our anger. He was sent by Spirit to bring things into our lives that will make us think, make us feel, and make us more compassionate. He is willing and able to handle all of our upset. So much so that he keeps coming back and keeps on loving us through our vitriol and anger.
My brother likes to say (and I'm paraphrasing), "... changes is where all possibility exists and nothing has yet been decided." He shook hands with Mr. Change and invited him into the guest room. He recognized the divinity of his existence and the joy of his purpose. He stopped fighting the house guest that can't be reasoned or bargained with. He invited Mr. Change to be close by and got to know him. My brother accepted him as Love.
The more we recognize that Mr. Change is a permanent part of our lives, the quicker we can find the gifts that he brings. Of course we know that he brings death, divorce, being laid off or fired, disease, unrest, addictions. He brings marriage, babies, promotions, cures to diseases and winning the lottery. He is all things different. All things unexpected. All things good and/or bad. He is reality!
You might not be ready to intentionally invite Mr. Change over to your house. But, I can assure you that your existence will be much easier if you're willing to see him as a valued part of your life. Sit down with change. Pour your favorite drink. Thank him for his most recent visit and ask what more you have to learn from him? Don't just be grateful when he says things are going to change for the "better" and angry at the "worse," because I can guarantee that you don't know, without hind sight, if change will be for good or not. So, just be grateful and know that he does this out of love!
He's a regular visitor to my life. He loves me. I know, without question, that Mr. Change wants what's best for me. But as a bonified, card carrying, living breathing girl ... there are still time I want to kick his ass !!! Hey, I'm only human !
May all things fabulous be yours today!
Blessings,
Colista
It's a given that Mr. Change isn't someone that we enjoy having over to the house. His timing sucks. He's rude. He has no regard for our discomfort at his arrival. He just barges in, changing everything on the first day of his visit and, possibly, for all time. Is it any wonder that we've grown to dislike him, or even fear him? Nope!
But here's a secret you need to know about Mr. Change ... he has a heart as big as all out doors! In fact, he has a heart as big EVERYTHING. How is this possible? This rude, inappropriate, abrupt thing? It's because Mr. Change was created by the God of your understanding. Mr. Change is the Spirit that watches over us and the Universe that knows that life without change is an absolute impossiblity! He wants nothing but the best for us.
Mr. Change has implicit instructions. He's there to make us grow. It's his goal to encourage us to think about the "better and more" in our lives. The better and more than we could ever imagine! He knows the secret to human life. He understands what we don't like to admit ... that we need changes in order to fully experience being human!
Mr. Change takes all our fear of him, all of our anger. He was sent by Spirit to bring things into our lives that will make us think, make us feel, and make us more compassionate. He is willing and able to handle all of our upset. So much so that he keeps coming back and keeps on loving us through our vitriol and anger.
My brother likes to say (and I'm paraphrasing), "... changes is where all possibility exists and nothing has yet been decided." He shook hands with Mr. Change and invited him into the guest room. He recognized the divinity of his existence and the joy of his purpose. He stopped fighting the house guest that can't be reasoned or bargained with. He invited Mr. Change to be close by and got to know him. My brother accepted him as Love.
The more we recognize that Mr. Change is a permanent part of our lives, the quicker we can find the gifts that he brings. Of course we know that he brings death, divorce, being laid off or fired, disease, unrest, addictions. He brings marriage, babies, promotions, cures to diseases and winning the lottery. He is all things different. All things unexpected. All things good and/or bad. He is reality!
You might not be ready to intentionally invite Mr. Change over to your house. But, I can assure you that your existence will be much easier if you're willing to see him as a valued part of your life. Sit down with change. Pour your favorite drink. Thank him for his most recent visit and ask what more you have to learn from him? Don't just be grateful when he says things are going to change for the "better" and angry at the "worse," because I can guarantee that you don't know, without hind sight, if change will be for good or not. So, just be grateful and know that he does this out of love!
He's a regular visitor to my life. He loves me. I know, without question, that Mr. Change wants what's best for me. But as a bonified, card carrying, living breathing girl ... there are still time I want to kick his ass !!! Hey, I'm only human !
May all things fabulous be yours today!
Blessings,
Colista
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Several Posts In One ;)
3/30/2009 ~ 9:01a.m.
There is a test (C125 tumor marker test) used to detect breast/ovarian cancer (and others). Yesterday I learned my original no. was 1,011 (a typical for advanced Stage III). In January it had dropped to 285. Not really meaningful because no one could be sure if it dropped due to surgery or agressive chemo. But then yesterday the number was 9 !!! ... and anything below 35 is considered a VERY good sign I'm kicking the cancer's butt. WooHoo!! THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS and SUPPORT !!!!!
3/31/2009 ~ 9:12a.m.
Your WooHoos (29 "likes" and 45 "comments" on FB) are overwhelming! I have happy tears galore :0) THANK YOU! Chemo today (Series 5 - Session 1 - 5.5 hrs). I already miss my brother, sis-in-law and nieces! What a break in my routine & a breath of fresh air they have been to me. Looking forward to being able to travel to Denver in June!! :)
3/31/2009 ~ 7:57p.m.
At chemo today I met a woman who has embraced a Stage 3 cancer journey for 9 yrs. Gloria has decided to enter hospice and return to the Universe. Her grace and peace was overwhelming. I will think of Gloria the rest of my life! I only hope to exhibit that level of grace on my journey to my human end ... we're all "terminal" some haven't gotten an end of life "diagnosis" ;O) ... Moral of the story - Live every day, Y'all ♥ ~~~ Don't get me wrong with this story... I'm here for a VERY long time ...I'm just realistic that each of us will ultimately have to face our transition to that which is next ... and I'm convinced that it's a beautiful journey.
Blessings to everyone !!!
Colista
x
There is a test (C125 tumor marker test) used to detect breast/ovarian cancer (and others). Yesterday I learned my original no. was 1,011 (a typical for advanced Stage III). In January it had dropped to 285. Not really meaningful because no one could be sure if it dropped due to surgery or agressive chemo. But then yesterday the number was 9 !!! ... and anything below 35 is considered a VERY good sign I'm kicking the cancer's butt. WooHoo!! THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS and SUPPORT !!!!!
3/31/2009 ~ 9:12a.m.
Your WooHoos (29 "likes" and 45 "comments" on FB) are overwhelming! I have happy tears galore :0) THANK YOU! Chemo today (Series 5 - Session 1 - 5.5 hrs). I already miss my brother, sis-in-law and nieces! What a break in my routine & a breath of fresh air they have been to me. Looking forward to being able to travel to Denver in June!! :)
3/31/2009 ~ 7:57p.m.
At chemo today I met a woman who has embraced a Stage 3 cancer journey for 9 yrs. Gloria has decided to enter hospice and return to the Universe. Her grace and peace was overwhelming. I will think of Gloria the rest of my life! I only hope to exhibit that level of grace on my journey to my human end ... we're all "terminal" some haven't gotten an end of life "diagnosis" ;O) ... Moral of the story - Live every day, Y'all ♥ ~~~ Don't get me wrong with this story... I'm here for a VERY long time ...I'm just realistic that each of us will ultimately have to face our transition to that which is next ... and I'm convinced that it's a beautiful journey.
Blessings to everyone !!!
Colista
x
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Imagination ~ Haiku
Imagination
Embrace the power of fun
One smile at a time
~Colista
Thanks for the encouragement to illustrate a book of my haiku ... I'm embracing the adventure that there may be a group of silly words and drawings wishing to be in the world! Perhaps I'll just start with a 2011 Calendar? ... I can't thank you enough for your good wishes!! Back'atcha 100-fold!!
Embrace the power of fun
One smile at a time
~Colista
Thanks for the encouragement to illustrate a book of my haiku ... I'm embracing the adventure that there may be a group of silly words and drawings wishing to be in the world! Perhaps I'll just start with a 2011 Calendar? ... I can't thank you enough for your good wishes!! Back'atcha 100-fold!!
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